My New Year's Resolutions + Plans For 2016

My New Year's Resolutions + Plans For 2016

So, here is the new year coming !

2015 was very good for me and I can only hope for the best coming up next year !

Here are a few of my 2016 resolutions that I hope will be fulfilled this year :

• Going outside more often and take cute pictures for my Insta
• Keep writing and write all the novels that I promised for this year on my novel site
• Keep uploading on the other sites
• Learn how to play the guitar/uke
• Be finally satisfied with my life and find friends/a partner to live with

And next year there will be :

• In January, a little intellectual series of posts called Our Common Nature
• In Febuary, The Fourteen Days Before the Fourteenth Challenge, a series of posts about love and relationships
• In October, Spooky Week
• In December, my Advent Calendar will come back

(this will be updated as soon as I have new ideas !)

Anyways, that's it for today, I really hope you liked this little new info and I'll see you very soon with something new !

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !

Childhood Story #8

Childhood Story #8

Hi everybody, Mary here !

So, here's another Childhood Story ! And since this is New Year's Eve, why not talk about one of my favourite New Year Eve's ever to conjure the boredom of this one !

Let's get started, shall we ?

That time when I had the most perfect New Year's Eve

So, it was the year 2006. The best New Year's Eve of my entire life, when everybody was around.

We had family friends and family eating like crazies while playing on the Wii and having fun.

As a kid, it was amazing because there was lots of foods and lots of games and adults & children alike were together at the table and were treated equally, and were very happy and laughing and sh*t.

Basically the best year ever.

Right now I'm just typing this in the middle of dinner because my little brother and I are the only « kids » and the grown-ups are just doing grown-up stuff which is incredibly boring.

Anyways, I just miss the nostalgia of having fun on New Year's Eve. What about you ? Are you having fun ? Are you enjoying your time at the very least ?

Please tell me I'm bored.

Alright, this is it for today, I really hope you enjoyed this post and I'll see you very soon with a new one !

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !

Uncanny Fails #12 and #13

Uncanny Fails #12 and #13

Hi everybody, Mary here !

So, here are two more Uncanny Fails for the end of the year with some things I've seen recently that I hate very much and I would like them to stop existing thanks !

Without any further ado, let's get started, shall we ?

I Hate Surprises !

The very first one is about surprises.

Yes I hate them with a burning passion. The worst sentence you could ever tell me would be « Yes, I have something for you, but it's a surprise ! »

Because I guess that I'm a little control freak who hates not knowing everything around her and who is really eager to know everything you're planning for me because otherwise I'm just gonna spend the entire waiting time just thinking about what could happen to me when you finally unleash the surprise.

In the end, don't get me unplanned things because I hate them. Or at the very least, give me a hint so I can know what I can roughly get.

Anyways, I know that most people have good intentions. But I guess that I'll have to learn to accept surprises nicely...

I Hate Teasing !

The second one is a little bit more complex as it concerns more people than just the ones who want to give me something.

This is about teasing. You know, the people who are two things at the same time :

« OH YEAH I'VE DONE SOMETHING SO VERY GOOD SO EXCITED FOR YOU GUYS TO SEE IT OH MY GOD THIS IS SO AMAZING SO GREAT JUST THE BEST THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD OH MY GOD !!! »

and also this on the other hand :

« BUT THIS IS TOP-SECRET LIKE I CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT THIS IS SO TOP-SECRET I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I CAN TALK ABOUT IT GUYS I'LL PROBABLY GET SUED FOR SAYING THIS AND I HAVE TO STOP TALKING ABOUT IT BEFORE I GET CAUGHT OKAY SEE YOU LATER GUYS !!! »

Which, when mixed, sounds a little bit like that :

« OH MY GOD I'VE DONE SOMETHING VERY GOOD BUT THIS IS TOP-SECRET BUT SO EXCITED FOR YOU GUYS TO SEE IT BUT THIS IS SO TOP-SECRET OH MY GOD I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF I CAN TALK ABOUT IT GUYS BUT THIS IS SO AMAZING BUT I'LL PROBABLY GET SUES FOR SAYING THIS BUT THIS IS SO GREAT AND I HAVE TO STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS BEFORE I GET CAUGHT OKAY BUT THIS IS THE BEST THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD SO SEE YOU LATER GUYS OH MY GOD !!! »

Which is the worst thing that every existed tbh.

Because either :

1. It is a secret and you're not allowed to talk about it because of copyright reasons, because it's a surprise – which I ABSOLUTELY HATE – and you'll get sued if you talk about it ; in this case, DON'T TALK ABOUT IT JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FUCKING BITCH I DON'T GIVE A SINGLE FUCK ABOUT HOW EXCITED YOU ARE YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF THE WORD SECRET THEN JUST DON'T EVER BE GRANTED THE ACCESS TO A TOP-SECRET PROJECT SINCE YOU ARE A SPOILLED LITTLE PIECE OF FIVE-YEAR-OLD SHIT WHO CAN'T HOLD A SECRET LIKE A PROPER GROWN-UP CIVILISED PERSON WHO, UNLIKE YOU, WOULD RESPECT THE SECRET AND KEEPT IT A SECRET UNTIL THE REVEAL. PIECE OF SHIT SCUM LEAVE THIS PLACE RIGHT NOW YOU DON'T DESERVE ANYTHING ANYWAYS.
2. It isn't a secret and in this case you're just hinting something as a secret project when it isn't really – and in this case SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT JUST TELL US AND GO AWAY IN YOUR PILE OF SHIT SINCE THIS IS ALL YOU PRODUCE ANYWAYS I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU WANT TO GIVE US SURPRISES YOU'RE JUST A LITTLE PIECE OF SCUM WHO DOESN'T DESERVE ANYTHING IN THEIR LIVES GOODBYE.

I hate people who are teasing. Most of the time, these are celebrities who have the dullest life ever and who just love having conspiration projects among famous friends, they don't give a fuck about their fans and they just want you to be jealous of them and their « fantastic lives » who are paid by you, being little pieces of shit fangirls who brainlessly follow them wherever they go without even thinking about the consequences.

And « We just wanted to tell you what we're up to ! » isn't an excuse. A secret is a secret, PIECE OF SHIT BASTARDS !!!!!!!!!!

Anyways... I hate teasing.

Alright, this is it for today ! I really hope you enjoyed this post and I'll see you very soon with a new one !

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !

Childhood Story #7

Childhood Story #7

Hi everybody, Mary here !

So, here's another Childhood Story, to make up for the lack of those during the last three months or so ! I really hope you like them then... and here we go !

That Time When I Went To A Theme Park

So... it's another very short story, really.

In a nutshell, we decided to go to this aquatic theme park that also had rollercoasters and stuff like that. I was 9 years old at the time.

Not only, just like the other time where I was in a rollercoaster (see CS#5), I had to stop a rollercoaster after one lap out of three (actually, WE wanted it to stop. I mean, the monitor who was with us had told us that this could be a little scary for both of us, but we had tried anyways befire getting real scared and screaming at the top of our lungs, hahaha),

But things got NASTY in the end.

Not only we couldn't try the climbing wall above the pool thingy that I wanted to try because we were too small, but we also couldn't try the big toboggan with the longest slide EVER because we were too small. In the end, we could only go on the small things and it was boring as f*ck.

(except for that haunted thingy we did like ten times it was very very very funny I laughed so much holy sh*t)

Anyways, in the end, we had to go back. The road was very long and in the hills, so it was very full of turning everywhere and the monitors knew it so even if I was already at the front of the bus with them looking at me like a dead fish crawling out of the pond to die, I had been given a plastic bag in which I could vomit because they didn't have the time to stop for us to vomit on the side of the road.

In the end, I didn't vomit even if I had the urge to do so, but another girl who tried the pirate boat going in all directions right before going in the bus definitely vomitted in her bag, which smelled VERY bad for the rest of the trip.

Anyways, that's it for today ! I really hope you enjoyed this post and I'll see you very soon with a new one !

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !

The Uncanny Fails #9, #10 and #11

The Uncanny Fails #9, #10 and #11

Hi everybody, Mary here !

So, here's another list of Uncanny Fails, made by the one and only, Me™.

Anyways, let's get started, shall we ?

Brain Fog

So, here's the first of my First World Problems™, with a little dash of Brain Fog.

Basically, I am clouded in some fog where my brain sits in silence and things feel unreal, as if I were living in a dream, somehow.

(or sometimes, when I have the guts to leave my computer to go outside, I'm reminded of THE REAL WORLD and things get a little bit too real and then I have a panic attack. But that's a different story that I'll explain one day.)

The thing is, when I'm clouded in my own emotions, I can't focus on one thing, not a single one.

Anyways, in the end, either I keep forgetting stuff, or I can't remember ideas I just had a couple of seconds before. And when I'm distracted by something, I can even forget the end of a sentence I was telling someone.

I guess my brain needs to start getting up in the morning instead of staying in that limbo state between dreaming and waking up.

Daydreaming

Next up is a little bit of daydreaming, which is basically my favourite hobby ever.

Whenever I'm bored while doing something, I'm dreaming with my eyes open and I'm trying to think about something that could be more interesting that what I'm currently doing.

And it often works.

The thing is, sometimes, I'm just switching off my brain in the middle of a lecture or something, or even conversations with people, and when I'm asked a question to which I don't even know the answer because I wasn't paying attention, I basically realise that I'm just f*cked up.

But what are you gonna say ? When your life is basically no social life and no friends and you're just depressed and you wished you could do something about it, sometimes, daydreaming is the best solution you could ever find to make your days just a little bit better.

I guess I should do something about it then.

Best Attention Lifespan ! (lol)

Last but not least, let's say that I have the worst attention lifespan EVER.

Like, if I'm bored about something, I'll just switch off my brain and not give a single fuck because I don't care about things going around me.

Yeah, this sounds a little bit harsh, but when do people care about me anyways ? Why should I care about people who don't care about me ?

Well... more generally, let's say that I'm not the best person to stay tuned on one channel and wait until things start to happen. Because this isn't my style.

Anyways, I just wanted to say that it's very hard to get my attention for more than a couple of seconds. But when you do, it means a lot, because I'll stay until the end.

Alrighty, that's all for today, I really hope that you enjoyed this post and I'll see you very soon with a new one !

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !

Childhood Story #6

Childhood Story #6

Hi everybody, Mary here !

So, I think it's been a very long time *checks my recent uploads* *realises that CS#5 was in October* *holy crappu* that I've done a Childhood Story, so here we go ! The second story that involves some rollercoasters ! (even if it's December, I don't care !!! It's summer in the Southern Hemisphere, right ?)

So here we go !

That time when I forced my dad to Magic World

So, here's the story, a little bit condensed since there isn't a big fuss about it :

I was 5 years old, and during the summer, I was with my dad in a little apartment next to the sea. Knowing me well, I usually couldn't sleep alone, and there were two little single beds in my room, just in case I would have a nightmare and would need my dad to comfort me.

(let's be honest, sometimes I just wanted him to leave his room with my step-mom to sleep with me just as a reminder that he loved me somehow)

During that night, I still couldn't sleep, even with my dad next to me. I don't exactly remember if I asked for it or he suggested the plan, but there was a little theme park next to the place where we live called Magic World.

And that's how we picked up the car, drove for five minutes, and we were there, at two in the morning (or maybe we left at two in the morning). Anyways, it was pretty cool.

It's probably one of my fondest memories with him because usually, when I think about him, I think about all the arguments and the fights we had, and the fact that I stopped seeing him at the age of 12.

We were just plain happy, away from my step-mom, going in the rollercoasters, eating some candies and drinking soda probably, and then, when it closed, we went back home, my step-mom still sleeping, totally unaware of what we had just done.

(I even think that he told me not to say a word about it but it's maybe just my imagination)

Anyways, it was of the best days in my life. And it just reminds me that now, he doesn't care about me anymore, but I guess I'll just have to let go now.

Okay, that's it for today ! I really hope that you enjoyed this post and I'll see you very soon with a new one !

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !!!

The Uncanny Fails #6, #7 and #8

The Uncanny Fails #6, #7 and #8

Hi everybody, Mary here !

So, I just realised when I made these Uncanny Fails a couple of months ago... that many of them are actually a little bit related. So, I decided to group them in just one post !

(And it just means you'll get more that usual ! Great deal, huh ?)

Anyways, let's get started, shall we ?

Highly Sarcastic

So, this is one of the very first traits I'd give myself to give an accurate description to those who don't know me yet... sarcasm.

Whether it's to bitch about something I find unfair or to moan about the injustices of this world, I'm always sarcastic about something that makes me bitter.

I usually don't go all crazy over the place, I'm just like « Hey ! That proves my point, b*tch ! Get rekt ! ». But in a more condescending tone, like...

« As it's been proven by a scientific study right there, here's the point that will drag you in the pit of shame. Shame on you and your sh*tty priviledge that I haven't been granted by birth. Also f*ck you if you disagree with me because here's another study that proves how wrong you are... b*tch. »

(that is still not subtle enough is it ?)

Anyways. I still love burning people on a stake with my sarcasm... and I'm proud of it.

People see me as a very nasty person who's looking for the best argument in this world... well I guess that my life will be a constant fight against inequality since people don't even understand the meaning of injustice.

And I'll do it with my sarcasm.

Radically Honest

First of all : the difference between radical honesty (what I'm going to talk about) and brutal honesty (which isn't even honesty) : radical honesty is f*cking up social roles and pretentious people who want to keep having « white lies » to use people for their own advantage or to avoid hurting them because « it's a social situation, Mary, you gotta be nice (a.k.a. a mother-f*cking Hypocrite™) towards these people ». Brutal honesty is when you hurt someone on purpose for the sake of your « honesty » which is just plain rudeness.

(And let's be honest, if you don't have anything nice to say, then sh*t the f*ck up. I don't need your negativity in my life, thanks.)

Well, people don't see the difference because... truth hurts, am I right ? When I'm told I lack tact and empathy towards strangers, I always think about how wrong it must be since I'm always nice to people, right ?

Wrong. I'm just nice to my loved ones. All the others, in my eyes, haven't done anything for me, so I don't feel the pressure to be nice towards them since they aren't towards me.

(which makes me think about the Ent – what's their name ? – in the Lord of the Rings who says that they aren't on anyone's side since nobody's on their side...)

But then I realise that I should be nice to everyone and this truth keeps me grounded, even if it hurts everytime I hear it.

People, I get it, can be hurt by the truth. That's why, when you're trying to be honest with someone (which many people, including me, aren't), you should be nice.

Tell them the way you'd tell a friend. Explain very carefully the reasons. Tell them why what they're doing is wrong, and how not only it affects others, but in the end, it'll affect themselves. Also, try to give them some solutions to solve these problems, and end up telling them that if they need help to improve themselves, you'll always be there to help them.

Don't just yell at people without explaining yourself and then expect them to understand your way of thinking when they probably think in a different way.

Honesty doesn't give you the right to be an asshole. However, honesty does give you the right to explain things to others, and also, in the end, you'll improve yourself, since people won't be afraid to tell you what's already perfect and what can be improved.

And while helping each other out, you'll improve, together, instead of having petty fights that have no reason to exist.

But I guess that people don't understand that.

Ironically Speaking

Last but not least, the latest addition to my problems : if I ever meet, you, please don't take me seriously. I don't even take myself seriously.

Irony is one of my worst traits, as you never know whether what I'm saying is what I mean or if it's just a little joke that I'm trying to spread across.

(I guess that I don't have a sense of humour anyways, since everytime someone tries to make a joke of me, I just take it the wrong way and I get offended by everything. But that's a different story that I'll explain another time...)

Basically, I'm joking all the time. But when I'm not joking, it means that things are getting serious. Oh man, you don't want me to be all serious around you, trust me.

Sometimes, my supposed humour is very crude and corrosive, but trust me, I mean no harm. Otherwise, I'd use my trust-worthy sarcasm.

I guess my humour is seen as something always offensive... and people are still not ready to hear me...

Anyways, that's it for today ! I really hope you enjoyed this extended post and I'll see you very soon with a new one !

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !

Advent Calendar #25 : Christmas

Advent Calendar #25 : Christmas

That is it ! The final day has come !

Are you happy with what you got, and are others happy too,

Of seeing what you got for them ?

Is the moment pleasant for you and your loved ones ?

Enjoy this day, that only comes by once in a year,

And rejoice yourselves of being here among your friends,

Your families, and your partners. As it is a moment of celebration,

Festivity, and loads of fun.

Just make the most of it, and don't forget,

Today's the day where you can treat yourselves as much as you want !

So, no restrains, no guilty feelings,

It's Christmas after all, so let's just celebrate !

116 words.

Advent Calendar #24 : Jingle Bells

Advent Calendar #24 : Jingle Bells

Finally, it is the last night,

The last night before Christmas.

Are you excited ? Are you worried ?

What is going through your mind right now ?

Only one sleep away, your parents would tell you as a child,

And they would tuck you in bed, telling you that Father Christmas

Would come and put your gifts under the tree. Well, they aren't wrong,

In the end. It's just that your parents are the Elves helping him do his job.

So, don't try to sneak up during the night to see Father Christmas,

Because he won't like to he disturbed during his work,

And after all don't you like having the surprise

Of opening your gifts in the morning with your loved ones ?

125 words.

Advent Calendar #23 : Mistletoe

Advent Calendar #23 : Mistletoe

Isn't it great, that feeling of seeing your loved ones,

All gathered for the festive season ?

And now they're here, and among them, is the person you love,

But really, you'd like to tell them your feelings before it's too late.

Why don't you consider that little mistletoe

Hanging above your heads as a means to get the final kiss ?

After all, admitting your feelings and having them in return,

Isn't that the best Christmas you could ever recieve ?

Because in the end, feelings is the only thing that money can't buy,

So hop in the occasion to maybe, see a relationship blossom,

Warming your heart in the cold of the winter,

And maybe, it'll be the beginning of an extraordinary adventure.

125 words.

Advent Calendar #22 : Charity

Advent Calendar #22 : Charity

I believe it's time, during these festive season,

To give you a little reminder of what you could give to the world,

And especially, to those who need it the most.

Yes, I'm talking about charity donations.

Whether it's to give a nice meal to homeless and poor people,

Or to give them the opportunity to give gifts to their children,

Please think about the joy that you could bring on a child's face

Just by giving a little bit of your time or your money.

Even if you have very little, every cent really matters,

As we come as a whole for the festive season, and we celebrate,

I believe it's a little reminder that everybody should celebrate,

Whether they have the means or not.

126 words.

Advent Calendar #21 : Wrapping Paper

Advent Calendar #21 : Wrapping Paper

As Christmas approaches, and the final day is near,

Are the gifts you're about to give ready for the D-Day ?

Are you nervous to know whether people will like them or not ?

You shouldn't worry, since the intention matters more than the gift itself.

So, the excitement comes increasing when you take off the wrapping paper,

And you start preparing everything, hoping that it'll be perfect,

At the same time, wondering where your loved ones have prepared for you,

But still, you have to wait, since it's a surprise.

In the end, we'll all be together on the Christmas day,

Rejoined around gifts, smiles, laughter and joy,

And in the end, we'll remember all the good times from before

As we give each other what we've been waiting for so long.

133 words.

Advent Calendar #20 : Elves

Advent Calendar #20 : Elves

As there are a thousand, if not a million, of Elves behind Father Christmas,

Remember, behind every great man, there are thousands, if not millions,

Of people, working for them or just supporting them,

And who made them who they are right now.

Remember, that without all those people, they'd still be nothing ;

And they owe us as much as we owe them, in the end.

Because who makes people popular and famous ? It's the crowds,

The masses, not a few celebrities who don't seem to care anymore.

Now, don't beat yourself for not having an army of Elves,

Because Father Christmas, does his fair share of the work anyways ;

Supervising, carrying the gifts into the homes, he is co-dependent with his Elves,

Not a master, not a ruler, just a Father. Like any celebrity should be.

Would you rather be a celebrity with a million Elves, or a Father Christmas with a thousand ones ?

159 words.

Advent Calendar #19 : Reindeer

Advent Calendar #19 : Reindeer

Who wouldn't like, for Christmas, the joy of a new companion,

Around the house, for the joy of children and adults ?

A little pet to make you happy when you're sad,

And to give you company when you're lonely ?

Maybe, when you were a kid, you wanted one,

But your parents, avoiding the responsability,

Didn't want to buy you one. Now, you're an adult,

And not only you can have one, but you can make even a better choice.

Instead of buying pets that cost a damn lot of money,

Remember, that in shelters, abandonned pets are only waiting for you,

That are waiting for your love and devotion. So, remember,

That companionship, can be found anywhere, if you're looking for it.

124 words.

Advent Calendar #18 : Latte

Advent Calendar #18 : Latte

Even during the holiday season, there are times, however,

Where you gotta work one last day before the holidays.

But don't worry, my dear, as you can grab a little plastic mug

Containing your favourite latte.

And so, wherever you go, wherever you work,

You will always have a little portable mug of warm goodness

To sip on and give you the last motivation

Before you can finally enjoy your holidays.

So, remember, even in the most boring moments, when the sadness kicks in,

The magic of Christmas will always come to you, somehow,

To give you that little last push

Towards your well deserved rest.

106 words.

Social Awareness or Gender Confusion ???

Social Awareness or Gender Confusion ???

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, lately I've been reading and learning a lot about the gender binary, the non-binary indentities and all of that jazz, and I felt like something was clicking inside of me, and I only started to know why.

After a few months of learning stuff on the Internet, I realised that the word girl didn't really represent me, and when I was thinking about my gender, I was only thinking about me, not, "i'm 100% sure i'm a girl, thanks.". And I started thinking about it all the time...

Do I consider myself a girl JUST because I have a vagina ?

Is it because of the societal norms of being cisgender ?

Why am I questioning this ? Am I a girl, in the end ??? Or NOT ???

I didn't seem to find any answers to my questions, and even less someone I could relate to.

Until I saw this video pop up in my sub feed.

I watched this video made by the lovely Ashley Mardell : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onre5CbOWCs and I realised something that I've been thinking about a lot recently.

Me picking down my hair and thinking "wow, too feminine. i want to RIP IT OFF CUT IT DOWN TO RAGS DIE DIE DIE STUPID FLOOF OF HAIR !!!"

(which I'm not doing yet because I still have to grow it out for charity. once it's done, I'll have it very short and I won't feel like it's a burden anymore.)

Me hating my boobs and wanting them to disappear because they are SO DAMN UNCOMFORTABLE !!! too feminine !!! why do i have this STUPID FAT THINGS ON MY CHEST ???

(but at the same time they're so small ??? like i feel like i shouldn't complain. there are probably trans men who would love to trade their big chests with mine... but in the meantime, i quite like their sexiness, but is it because of the male gaze and the fact that I'm viewed as a sex object because of them ???)

and at first I thought this was just my "feminist-but-also-misandrist-af" side that was like gender is a social construct !!! don't obey the norms !!! be deviant af !!! don't be a girl because it's weak !!! be more masculine, it will give you extra strength and you'll be FINALLY valuated as a person !!!

also I feel like pride mother-FUCKERS !!! be a girl because being a girl is STRONG AF !!!

I don't even know, I found the word demi-girl the other day and I found it quite cool and suiting me, and I wish I had the guts to change my gender pronouns from she to she/they, but I feel like it would be too much of a change... besides, people would be like yeah, you're probably doing it to sound "cool" or for attention or whatever.

Conclusion : the question I'm asking is, am I ashamed of being a girl/having a vagina because I'm thinking about the weakness and the inequalities of my gender, but also I am proud of being a girl. You know, it's the pride of the minority, of being like f*ck y'all and your priviledge i'll never have.

In the end, I'm a very confused, androgynous girl who loves wearing flannels and dresses and I don't know what to do. I still feel like a girl, it's just... not all the time ??? Like sometimes I feel a little bit non-binary ??? Most of the time I feel I am a girl but then sometimes the negative feelings come back (could be body dysmorphia because I'd like to have a completely flat chest, short hair and also I really hate my voice as I find it too squeaky and I noticed I've been talking way less to strangers recently, I'm only really open in front of my relatives, but also gender dysphoria as I don't really identify as a cisgender girl anymore ???) and I'm feeling so powerless and I wish my problems could be solved in a moment as I even sometimes identify as agender (almost. wow what a f*cking prat coming up with her new identity like a new pair of socks bought the night before !!!).

SOMEONE HELP ME PLZ. I don't understand, not even myself.

If I could have some of your help guys, it'd be awesome, thanks.

Okay, that's it for today ! I really hope you understand my struggles and I'll see you very soon with another post !

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !

Advent Calendar #17 : Meal

Advent Calendar #17 : Meal

Another pleasure of Christmas,

That we don't experience any other time during the year,

Is the delicious meals presented in front of us while we fest on them

Without any feeling of guilt.

It is time for long beforehand prepared meals

That took hours in the kitchen to be perfect,

And they truly are, perfect, because in the end

The magic of the holidays seem to make everything perfect.

And in the end, it is also a good reason to spend time with your loved ones,

Enjoying meals, when in your daily lives, you feel like it's a waste of time,

And of productivity. But don't worry, my dear,

No time is wasted being happy around a Christmas table.

119 words.

Advent Calendar #16 : Family

Advent Calendar #16 : Family

What a pleasure it is, my dear,

To see your loved ones coming back for the festive season.

Because of work, studies, and other obligations,

We don't have the time to see each other very much, and yet.

During the holidays, it is time

To tell the ones who are far away how your year has been,

And maybe, spend all the time you couldn't before

Telling them weird stories about what happened while they were away.

In the end, Christmas is not only a tradition,

It is a moment shared by everyone all around the world.

And no matter where you are reading this, remember,

That this magic only happens once a year.

114 words.

Fargo, S2 Ep10

Fargo, S2 Ep10

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, finally ! Here's the review for the season finale of Fargo ! Without any further ado, let's get started, shall we ?

Palindrome

So, here are the three words I've chosen for this episode :

- Who lived and who died ? : Let's cut the chase and just count those who died and those who lived... so, the butcher died, his wife lived, the Indian lived, the grandpa lived, Solverson and wife lived (now they have to explain when she actually died and how he got shot like he said in 2006 in season one, because seriously, I thought this mystery would be solved by the end of this episode, goddammit !). Now, the family is entirely dead, the Kansas City has left Minnesota, and everything's going back to normal again !

- Illusions and visions : In this episode, there are two visions. The first one is from Solverson's wife who mysteriously sees the future of his husband and her daughter (season one, when she's married with the other policeman and they have a child and stuff like that), but I'd like to point out, she isn't in this vision, because 1) it's the shots from season one and she wasn't included because she died before 2006, and 2) well, because somehow, she knew she wouldn't be included in it. It's like a sort of realisation, how she has realised that her time is up, and she says, that she's ready to face death and the Lord as she's a believer, and she's against Camus' nihilism (which I also hate by the way, like it used to give me anxiety in French litterature classes in high-school *heavy cringes*), because she's against Norine, and she believes life is amazing and there's so much to do, even if you have a limited time on Earth.

Then, there was the vision from the butcher's wife, in the end of the episode, the parallel to the movie, and how the thought she and her husband were about to be killed by the Native guy, but in the end, was saved by Solverson and his colleague. Maybe she was hallucinating and hoping that her husband, Ed, could be saved, like in the movie, but she learnt that in reality, nothing happens like in the movies. And she learnt that the hard way. And now she's alone and will probably have a life sentence for her murder, and be confronted to the consequences of her actions.

- Being a woman in the 70's : Last but not least, I believe that overall, during this season, we learnt a lot about feminism and the struggles of being a woman during the 70's. While she's about to go to jail, Peggy claims "you can't be a wife, and a mother, and have an amazing career. I just wanted to live to my full potential and have this amazing career, and you can't to that, unless there were 37 hours in a day, because otherwise, it's your fault, you're faulty."

Faulty of what ? Of  realising that men can't do a single house chore because "it's for women" and women have to stay housewives while the men work because women can't have a proper job and their independence and their own proper career ? Faulty of realising how discrimination against women was so present back then and the mentalities aren't going to change ever unless we are properly taught to raise all the genders the same way ? With the struggles of the family grandma who held her head strong against her sons who wanted to take her place on the throne (especially the oldest one, what a piece if sh*t, I'm glad he's dead for good) and her granddaughter who also was strong but was killed in the end, it shows amazing, strong women who took no sh*t and who were probably against the only women who could be proudly called feminists at the time.

Overall episode : What a great finale. What a great final feminist message. Wow, lots of strong women in the 70's. It was such a pleasure to see these strong women and their fight for equality. It shows how "vintage" (even if it's not "that" vintage) women could be as strong as modern women and I absolutely ADORE it.

Okay, that's it for today ! I really hope you enjoyed this post and I'll see you very soon with something new !

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !

Advent Calendar #15 : Mantelpiece

Advent Calendar #15 : Mantelpiece

When the weather is getting constantly cold outside,

And the days are getting increasingly shorter,

Remember, my friend, that you can always find a little bit of relief,

Around the mantelpiece.

Not only it is the place where Father Christmas will pop in ten days,

(Remember to turn off the fire before he comes !)

But it is also the place where you can find a little bit of warmth,

And light during the very dark nights.

And maybe, you'll have some sweet conversations,

With the ones you love, until the dead end of the night,

Waiting for Father Christmas impatiently like little children,

Little children like before.

108 words.

Advent Calendar #14 : Hot Cocoa

Advent Calendar #14 : Hot Cocoa

Sipping hot cocoa, at the end of a harsh day at work,

Can be an excellent reward, especially during this festive season.

So why not pick a mug, your favourite cocoa powder,

Some sugar, and the sweetest milk in your fridge ?

Maybe will you be a little bit adventurous and add

Some vanilla, or some cinnamon, to the whole mix ?

Is it warm enough to fight the cold of the winter ?

Does it remind you of your innocent childhood ?

I believe that anytime is the time, my friend,

To grab a mug and share that feeling with your loved ones,

As it is the festive season, and nothing is better

Than a lovely banter with friends.

120 words.

The Gay Fantasy

The Gay Fantasy

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, since I've started writing lesbian romance (and I have tons of ideas piling up on my computer right now), I've noticed a couple of things concerning my queerness that I wanted to discuss about...

So here it comes. The gay fantasy. A compilation of feelings and thoughts coming up as I bash away words at my keyboard. Here is a list of a few of them :

1. the shame : I mean, loads of straight people write straight romance for a straight audience, so why not me ? I mean, there's nothing wrong with it, it's just a different type of love, between two girls. If people read straight romance all the time just to see a man and a woman fuck on paper, why wouldn't anyone read gay women falling in love with each other ? It's stupid and I know it, but I can't help but be a little it afraid of what I'm putting out there, just in case someone wouldn't understand how normal it is to be gay and to write about gays.
2. you're not gay enough ! : I mean, I've probably seen this a lot around me when it comes to multi-sexual people, and since I'm pan, I'm a part of it, right ? At the same time, I'm telling myself, wow, thank God I still like boys, because I can still pretend I'm straight to avoid homophobia around me, but at the same time, I'm like thank God I'm proud of liking girls because pride is the only good thing coming with my queer identity. I guess I'll never get around it.
3. the pride : I mean, if I'm writing about lesbians and queer girls falling in love with each other, it's because in the end, I want it to happen to me. Since pride is the only thing left after all the hatred and ignorance and straight-up bigotry, I'm like I just want a girlfriend to see the horror in their eyes, I want them to be in shock while I'm correcting the pronouns of my romantic partner, I want them to shiver in fear and look at me like I'm something they can't change because I'm gay, and you can just go fuck yourselves if you hate me for it. Which is completely stupid, because I'm pan, and in the end, I'd be happy no matter the gender of my romantic partner. And I know that even if I end up with a boyfriend, I'll be happy, because I would love him and he would love me and that would be it.
4. the future of my writing : Last but not least, I'm horribly monogamous (I believe that's because I've never been in a relationship). I feel like I would turn myself to girls and not boys just to justify my queerness. Am I fetishising lesbians and queer girls in general ? Would I still be allowed to write lesbian stories if I had a boyfriend ? Would he believe that I'm « cheating » on him with these characters and that I would be keeping him to look straight when I'm « just a lesbian in denial » ? Would he feel like I'm with him because he's a boy and I'm hiding my queerness when in actuality, I'm just craving another girl ?

I don't even know. Being multi-sexual is so complicated and I don't even know what to do about it. What scares me the most is that I could be falling in love with anyone... and I'm thinking about all the straight boys fetishising on queer girls and who just want to fuck one because it's just a challenge to them, the lesbians telling me that I will probably cheat on them with a boy as soon as I can because obviously, in the end, I'm either a cheating slut with no manners (which is stupid, because I'm a demi-romantic asexual, so before I cheat on you, it would take fucking determination, besides, I would never do that, because just finding one lover is hard enough for me, so where do you think I would find a second one ?), or that I'm still looking for the perfect husband to have children with. Overall bad stories because of this mother-f*cking internalised biphobia/panphobia...

What do you think ? Are you bi/poly/pan yourself ? And have you experienced this kind of problems in your life ? Please tell me your stories !

Okay, that's it for today, I really hope you enjoyed this post and I'll see you very soon with a new one !

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !

Advent Calendar #13 : Blankets

Advent Calendar #13 : Blankets

Do you remember, my dear, this sweet feeling

Of waking up late and staying under your blanket ?

As the snow was falling off the window,

And you wanted to stay away from the cold ?

And there, whether in your bedroom or in the living room,

Whether alone or with your loved ones,

You could spend some times staying warm during this cold winter,

And maybe, talk about anything that was on your mind.

So, next time you're thinking about what you could be doing,

And feeling bored and motivationless,

Remember you can always spend some times with your loved ones

And just remember the sweet feeling of family.

110 words.

Advent Calendar #12 : Jumpers

Advent Calendar #12 : Jumpers

Do you like the feeling of wearing a comfortable jumper

Which warms you up during this cold season ?

The sweetness of the cotton and the warmth of its thickness

Does it remind you of old memories of childhood ?

Do you like knitting, maybe, like your grandma used to,

To have a special jumper to wear, or maybe to give ?

Maybe it's time to grab some cotton and make yourself one,

After all, it's not hard anyways.

Maybe, this little warmth against the cold outside,

That you're keeping inside of you, in your heart,

Please remember to share it around you,

Just like good feelings spread during this festive season.

112 words.

Advent Calendar #11 : Mandarin

Advent Calendar #11 : Mandarin

Do you know that in the earliest Christmas traditions,

The only gifts given from one another during the festive season were mandarins ?

They seem to be very cheap nowadays,

But back then, they were the most expansive fruit on the market.

At the time, the main goal of Christmas, wasn't to buy the most expansive gift ever,

But just to spend a little time around a meal prepared for hours with your loved ones.

The purpose of the gift wasn't its monetary value,

But just the sentimental one, and the feeling of being gifted.

So, next time you feel like your present doesn't have any value,

Whether you recieve it or are about to give it,

Please remember the meaning of the gift rather than the money spent on it,

And the good intentions rather than the supposed lack of means to buy it.

145 words.

Advent Calendar #10 : Gingerbread

Advent Calendar #10 : Gingerbread

Oh, this delicious gingerbread

These cakes reminding you of childhood.

You used to make them with your parents,

Now you still do, or maybe you bake them on your own ?

In any situation, they were your comfort food,

They may still are, and sharing them with your loved ones

Is one of the little magic moments during this festive season.

Please never forget them.

So, anytime you feel sad, or upset,

Look at those children around you in the middle of the afternoon,

Or in the middle of the morning, asking you for them,

And bake some for them, as they probably love this scent going all around the house,

The scent of gingerbread.

115 words.

Advent Calendar #9 : Carols

Advent Calendar #9 : Carols

Little children, going under the snow,

And doing whatever they can to spread the spirit of Christmas.

When you see a group of them in front of your door,

Please listen to them, and thank them for their efforts.

If they are tired, offer them a litle break next to the mantelpiece ;

If they are thirsty, offer them a little apple juice,

If they are hungry, offer them some cookies,

And if they are patient, offer them a little story.

Because this is it, the magic of Christmas,

Some little carols, sung over and over, and the sound of them

Going into the night to scare the ghosts away.

And the final share, the last moment, a little bit of warmth in the cold winter.

126 words.

Fargo, S2 Ep9

Fargo, S2 Ep9

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, here's the review for the ninth episode in the second series of Fargo ! Next week will be the last episode, so be prepared for the end of this chapter !

Without any further ado, let's get started, shall we ?

The Castle

So, here are the three words I've chosen for this episode :

- Revenge : So, the Native Indian guy has finally decided to betray his employers, kill the grandma and let the other guys be killed by the police. He also killed the police and all that jazz and the people who came for back-ups were really late, because the police were stupid and they had turned the radio off, so Solverson (who had tried to warn them) couldn't do anyhing, and he got harmed himself. I'm just prayig for the grandpa (Ms. Solverson's dad) who got badly injured, but I don't think he'll make it anyways.

- Prejudice : In this episode, we're trying to understand why the Native decided to kill all those white people and why he has turned against his employers. Was it because he had enough of the treatment he had recieved by the oldest son ? Or because of the racism in the bar where he shot the owner and some racist clients ? Or was it the same thing since he was a kid and had been hired by the North Dakota family ? We will probably never know.

- The UFOs : Seriously, what the f*ck are UFOs doing there in the middle of what seemed to be a pretty normal story ? Like, seriously ? No matter what it is, is seems to be quite present during the season (multiple mentions during the past episodes) and seems to be a deus ex-machina process in order to give enough time for the couple (the butcher and his wife) to run away, and the Native to run after them, and the black guy with his never-talking bodyguard are leaving, knowing that he won't have his prize, but the game he's playing with his employers in Kansas City will probably be dangerous for him... We'll see all of that in the next and last episode of the season anyways.

Overall impression : Another great episode that starts the conclusion of the season, with Solverson's wife having a deteriorating state and she's about to die as mentioned during season 1 by the older Solverson. We just have to wait for the last episode next week !

Okay, that's it for today, I really hope you enjoyed this post and I'll see you very soon with another one !

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !