Officially Autistic™
Hi everybody, Mary here.
So, yeah ! I went back to Paris on June 24th, to have my Officially Autistic™ qualification and I met a nice psychiatrist that talked with me and my mom for thirty minutes. It's very relieving and comforting to see my official papers and knowing what my problem is, because now I know I'm autistic, I know that I don't have to "force myself to act like an allistic person", or do stuff "their way", and that I'm capable of doing things my way and that I can find my way of going around life without being pressured to do it "the allistic way". (Also, just like when I recieved my dyspraxia diagnosis when I was 11, diagnoses are, for me, a way to point out who I am, what I am, it's a label that defines a part of me and I'm very proud of that.)
Yeah, now you must be thinking "this is too good to be true".
And you're absolutely right.
Have you ever heard of ableism ? Well I didn't... until now. I mean, I had never personally experienced ableism before, because everyone thought that I was a perfect neuro-typical, allistic person. But it looks like getting an autism diagnosis is the end of your f*cking life.
The first ableist "joke" I recieved was the following : "So, she'll go to Rio, right ?". I thought that they were talking about the actual olympics for the abled people (I love sports competitions and I thought this "joke" was about competition lol), since I'm still able-bodied, you know, I have no physical disabilities - but no ! They thought that I was "handicapped enough" to go to the paralympics ! And then my step-dad said "oh, you could do some running, but that would be unfair to the people who lost one or two legs lmao !".
Not only this is incredibly harmful for people who use wheelchairs and/or lost a limb, but also, it really says that my step-dad sees me as an impotent person, incapable of being on my own and living a decent, human life. Wow.
Between that, my mom saying that "I should act neurotypical, because I've had hardships too and somtimes there are things I don't want to do, but I'm forcing myself to anyways, so you should be capable of doing it too !". She uses sentences that trigger me like "I won't be here forever" and "Who will take care of you when I'm gone ?", which triggers my extreme anxiety and fear of losing her, because let's be honest, she's the only person that cares (a little) about me,
my step-dad saying "that's a handicap", and "she needs to accept her handicap" when I told him that i do not consider it a handicap and that he should consider the beauty of being neurodivergent,
when my autism is a joke, that my mom and my step-dad can whip out during meals, and not feel guilty about it one bit,
when my existence, my needs, and my will to have a comfortable life aren't respected because of ableism, when I'm treated like a piece of shit because of my autism, called "lazy", "irresponsible", "ungrateful",
when my stay at home depends "on their good will", that I'm told that the wi-fi is a priviledge that I can only have if I behave correctly, and that I have to "co-habitate" in a world created by neuro-typicals, for neuro-typicals, and governed by the sole needs of neuro-typicals and I can't change it and I just have to "suck it up and behave in an allistic manner",
when the entire world, but especially my family, that I've trusted for all my life, is ableist,
you have the rights to complain about your discrimination and oppression all you want.
Alright, that's it for now. I'll see you soon with a new post.
And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !!!
Yeah, now you must be thinking "this is too good to be true".
And you're absolutely right.
Have you ever heard of ableism ? Well I didn't... until now. I mean, I had never personally experienced ableism before, because everyone thought that I was a perfect neuro-typical, allistic person. But it looks like getting an autism diagnosis is the end of your f*cking life.
The first ableist "joke" I recieved was the following : "So, she'll go to Rio, right ?". I thought that they were talking about the actual olympics for the abled people (I love sports competitions and I thought this "joke" was about competition lol), since I'm still able-bodied, you know, I have no physical disabilities - but no ! They thought that I was "handicapped enough" to go to the paralympics ! And then my step-dad said "oh, you could do some running, but that would be unfair to the people who lost one or two legs lmao !".
Not only this is incredibly harmful for people who use wheelchairs and/or lost a limb, but also, it really says that my step-dad sees me as an impotent person, incapable of being on my own and living a decent, human life. Wow.
Between that, my mom saying that "I should act neurotypical, because I've had hardships too and somtimes there are things I don't want to do, but I'm forcing myself to anyways, so you should be capable of doing it too !". She uses sentences that trigger me like "I won't be here forever" and "Who will take care of you when I'm gone ?", which triggers my extreme anxiety and fear of losing her, because let's be honest, she's the only person that cares (a little) about me,
my step-dad saying "that's a handicap", and "she needs to accept her handicap" when I told him that i do not consider it a handicap and that he should consider the beauty of being neurodivergent,
when my autism is a joke, that my mom and my step-dad can whip out during meals, and not feel guilty about it one bit,
when my existence, my needs, and my will to have a comfortable life aren't respected because of ableism, when I'm treated like a piece of shit because of my autism, called "lazy", "irresponsible", "ungrateful",
when my stay at home depends "on their good will", that I'm told that the wi-fi is a priviledge that I can only have if I behave correctly, and that I have to "co-habitate" in a world created by neuro-typicals, for neuro-typicals, and governed by the sole needs of neuro-typicals and I can't change it and I just have to "suck it up and behave in an allistic manner",
when the entire world, but especially my family, that I've trusted for all my life, is ableist,
you have the rights to complain about your discrimination and oppression all you want.
Alright, that's it for now. I'll see you soon with a new post.
And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !!!
