Hate Online and Social Justice

Hate Online and Social Justice

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, I really wanted to address hate and how people who deal with "sensitive topics" recieve more hate than ever... and I will make a couple of quick points right now.

1) I really love seeing how Americans are so attached to their "freedom of speech". Because as a French person, the only definition I know of freedom if speech is the right to express yourself in public spaces or in the media without fearing censorship from the government or a position of power. (and it is the actual definition of freedom of speech)

2) Basically, I believe that sending unneccesary hate, doxxing, death threats, threats of violence, mockery, hate videos, incitation to hate or violence don't fall in the "freedom of speech" category. You are just being a complete asshole with nothing else to do with their time rather than spending your time and your efforts into slandering, plagarising, and sending hate to people you know are just talking about subjects that affect their daily lives. So calm the fuck down and take a breath. Go out with your friends. Watch some of your favourite movies or TV shows. I'm pretty damn sure there are millions of things that are better to do than send hate over the Internet.

3) I am open to criticism and arguments that do not necessarily agree with me, and opening my mind to different perspectives. However, I do believe that saying "the things you claim to exist do not actually exist" or "quit whining, others have it worse" aren't a "conversation". You are just trying to derail the conversation, make it about you or your supposed "pawns", claiming that our experiences aren't actually real and you are being a condescending, ableist prick (because derealisation is real and it affects many people).

Basically, here's my stance : there are topics on which you cannot have "debates". You can't have a "debate" on whether women should be able to abort or not, especially if you are a man. You can't have a "debate" on "whether misogyny is a systematic oppression by society or not". You can't have a "debate" on "whether you see the struggles of women, POCs, disabled people, or otherwise marginalised people exist as real or not".

Most of the time, our "social justice" articles, posts, videos and other creations are not here to make us look more enlightened or more educated than you. Sure, everyone can learn and everyone's been ignorant before educating themselves (myself included !). But there's a difference between having a debate on valid topics and sending hate. There's a difference between having a debate on a valid topic and basically saying that our oppression isn't real, our experiences aren't real or we are just making up stories "for attention", all while throwing ableist slurs at our faces.

If you aren't willing to learn and educate yourself when you have the possibility to do so, and when we're making our stories available to you so you can become a better person, then you are just a jerk who doesn't deserve any of my attention or my time. Goodbye forever.

Okay, that's pretty much for this post, and I will see you soon with a new one !

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !

In Defense of Trigger Warnings and Safe Spaces

In Defense of Trigger Warnings and Safe Spaces

Hi everybody, Mary here.

Today, I am going to talk about my defense of trigger warnings and safe spaces.

My stance on it is very clear :

If you don't care or hate trigger warnings, it just means you never needed trigger warnings. If you don't care or hate safe spaces, it means you never needed safe spaces. I am pretty happy to see that you are never thrown into a panic attack because of something that reminds you of a traumatic experience or your abuser or anything harmful to you. I am pretty happy to see that you have never been under the fire for expressing your hate against the discrimination and oppression you face because of who you are and what you cannot change.

I could literally stop this post right here, but since y'all need clearer, simpler explanations apparently, here is me trying to explain that in the simplest ways possible :

Trigger warnings are like disclaimers about things that are going to be shown. It is meant to protect people who have traumatic experiences with a specific thing or have things that remind them of their abuser and are thrown into a pit of anxiety, or even panic attacks. I, myself, have been thrown into a panic attack because of a simple YouTube video... and trust me, it is not nice to see me under a panic attack. I paced around my flat for around an hour, screaming and stomping my feet into the ground, and people living around me in this building probably thought I should be hospitalised over this. If the video had trigger warnings, I would have avoided a complete meltdown, oh, and also, another panic attack when I remembered the video two days later. But apparently it is "okay" to send people through panic attacks because you aren't "triggered" by what triggers me.

Trigger warnings do not mean censorship or "you shouldn't talk about this because I don't want you to and you should be censored !!1!!1!" (except hate, I hate people who spread violent, deliberate hate and these people need to stop tbh). It just means "here is a list of things that trigger me, remind me of my past trauma, or can cause debilitating anxiety, and I would like you to put a tag on them so I can stay safe online because this is my wish"... and it's not that complicated to understand.

I have seen a lot of people who are against trigger warnings advocating for "exposure therapy", where people are just shown their triggers "until they aren't "triggers" anymore". Not only this is pretty ableist but it also shows the ignorance of these people who probably never dealt with anxiety, panic attacks, PTSD or anything that can "trigger them" because of their trauma or past/current abuse. Most of these people are neuro-typical, never showed a single mental illness, personality disorder or any kind of trauma/abuse and they're here to tell me, a mentally ill person with depression, anxiety, BPD and OCD, and who's an abuse survivor dealing with trauma, how to deal with my own problems.

Listen very carefully because I will not say it once : I want to be safe online. I know that "the real world" doesn't cater to me and my neurodivergent needs, I know that most NT people are ableist as hell and I know that accomodations are hard to get !!!!! But the Internet is the place where I created my little haven where I can be myself and protect myself from harm and have a little bit of fun !!!!! What's wrong with wanting to be safe, even if it means you try to avoid your triggers as much as possible ????? It's definitely better than to have panic attacks over a couple seconds in a video clip and you're very ableist if you disagree with that !!!!!

Now let's talk about safe spaces. Safe spaces do not mean "people who never want their ideas to be challenged, criticised, or people who don't want to have any discussion with people who disagree with them and who try to make them see through a different perspective". It just means "We, mostly marginalised people, would love to talk about our oppression and marginalisation and discrimination and societal hate, and we'd like to make fun of ridiculous situations we are put through everyday, or we'd like to have conversations about how being [insert marginalised identity here] is making our life harder, and we would like to have spaces that are free from hate". It's not very complicated to understand, am I right ?

Safe spaces are spaces where you can freely talk about "sensitive topics" such as gender, sexuality, ableism, classism, being a POC, feminism, intersectionality, and such. Most of us talking about these topics recieve unnecessary hate, harassment, slandering, hate videos, plagiarising of content, and such. This deserves a post within itself but basically, when I see my favourite content creators who talk so eloquently about these topics that need to be adressed, I can't help but wanting to report all of them (I just don't have any energy to do it).

Basically, a safe space doesn't mean we're not open to criticism, or challenging our ideas, or having a conversation with people who hold different viewpoints. But I'm pretty damn sure that death threats, threats of violence or abuse or rape are not what you claim to be "criticism" or "a discussion". It is hate and it needs to stop.

Anyways, I will stop this post here, and the next one will probably be about "hate online". So stay tuned for it ! :)

And as usual, our last word ; KIDNEYS !

France Is Not Your Pawn For Your Islamophobia

France Is Not Your Pawn For Your Islamophobia

(Disclaimer : I am not a Muslim and therefore not a victim of islamophobia, but I am French and I try very hard to support my Muslim siblings, however if I made any mistake or something shitty please tell me !)

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, recently I watched a couple of videos about US politics and what Trump supporters say versus what Clinton supporters say, and all these videos that remind everyone of how Trump is very bad and you shouldn't vote for him...

And there is one specific thing I particularly dislike among Trump supporters and something they say, especially to support their islamophobia and how Trump wants to ban all Muslim people from entering the country.

It's "look at France though, they let in Muslims and now they're under attack from terrorism !", "if that woman was braless in France, she would be raped by a bunch of Muslim people !", "look at France being invaded by Muslims !", "look at France, that Muslim country where people are forced to comply to their Muslim invadors !", "France is the example that shows why Muslims are terrorists and shouldn't be let in our beautiful country of the USA !"...

And as an actual French person, here I am to debunk this blatant islamophobia.

Here are a few true facts about France :

1) We only have 5 million Muslim people out of what, 65-70 million French people ? We aren't invaded. That's not a lot. Sure, it is the second largest religion, but remember the first one is Christianity. Does that mean we should beware of "the Christian invasion" ?????

2) We are not ruled by Muslims/their "law", we aren't "complying to some made-up invadors", and we aren't "threatened" by Muslim people. I work with them, I do my groceries alongside them, they are my mailman, my cashier, my baker, they are normal people living normal lives. Not once in my life have I been threatened by a Muslim person while doing literally anything in my life. Wow, what a concept.

3) If you can't differenciate DAESH/Al-Qeida from Islam, then I am sorry to break it to you but suddenly I can't make the difference between the KKK/the Westboro Baptist Church and Christianity. Don't ask me why this is flawed, I just apparently am down to your level of generalisation, hate and ignorance ! Wow ! Fucking amazing ! /sarcasm

4) France is, although very islamophobic, trying to accept Muslim people more and more everyday. Sure we have a lot of work to do and we're very shitty people. But our government is here to remind us to be proud of our cultural and religious diversity, that makes our country unique and beautiful. And we're trying to progress. Slowly, but surely. I have hope in this country and its people. We can do it.

Basically, France is not your pawn for your islamophobia. I am an actual French person living in France right now and I can assure you that I would welcome all Muslim people who wish to live here. I am not afraid of some stereotype that silly people like you made up to "justify" your blatant hatred.

I am not your pawn for your hatred against Islam. French people are not your pawns for your vile, disgusting hate. It's disrespectful for all French people, for Muslim people, and especially French Muslims, who deserve so much better than your bullshit.

I. AM. NOT. YOUR. PAWN.

Okay, that's pretty much it for now, I hope you enjoyed this post and I will see you very soon with a new one !

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !

Internalised Biphobia

Internalised Biphobia

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So today, I will be talking about internalised biphobia.

I really want to address the internalised biphobia I've been dealing with for the past couple of months and I wanted to talk about it to vent a little.

I am a part of many fandoms and to be honest, the amount of biphobia I have encountered in the fandoms and especially when it comes to "headcanoning" (a.k.a. believing that a specific character is X gender or Y sexuality) is astounding.

Let's talk about the specific things I have encountered in my traven through "headcanoning" and "ship wars" to be fucking honest :

1) There's a woman whose sexuality isn't specified in the show. She has been shown to be attracted to men and potentially to women (because of course non-binary people don't exist and pan people don't exist either lmao).

No one says anything until bi women just claim her as bi, proving their point by showing off that she has been attracted to multiple genders and she's very likely to be bi herself. And then, of course, the "fandom wars" happen, blabla, the lesbians are like "no she's a lesbian !!!!1!1!1!!1! COMPULSORY HETEROSEXUALITY* !!!1!1! if she isn't straight she must be gay !!1!!!1!"

*(term I hate because it was coined by a TERF, Adrienne Rich)

I am so damn fucking mad at this because I have seen canonically bi women erased and portrayed as lesbians when they ARE NOT !!!!! (remember the Korrasami ship and meme created by bi women, stolen by lesbians, and then lesbians have the audacity to say that they created the ship in the first place and that bi women have "stolen" the meme from them lmao ?)

2) When lesbian/gay people just accuse bi people (and to be fucking honest ace people too) of "stealing lesbian/gay memes" lmao ????? like what the fuck ????? where in the fuck can you call this "appropriation" when you're fucking white ? Petition for all white people to never use the word "appropriation" ever again because this is shitting on people of colour who have seen their lands, their culture and everything else appropriated from them by white people tbh.

3) When you combine 1) and 2), you end up with something very fucking nice that is called internalised biphobia. I have been dealing with this for some time now and I would love to talk about it right now !

a) I have been headcanoning more people as gay or lesbian than bi because I now always seem to see gay/lesbian people as "more pure", "more queer" and "more interesting" in their attractions than bi people. And it sucks.

b) I have tendencies of seeing myself as "lesser" than gay/lesbian people, that  I am "just the silver to their gold", that I am "a second-class queer", and that I don't deserve as much support as gay/lesbian people, just because I could just "turn straight" and then have "the straight lifestyle" (which I will never have thanks).

c) I have seen gay/lesbian people tell me to shush, to only accept the "conditional support" that I can recieve if I "look queer enough", and that I should "stop complaining about bi erasure" or bi representation that is seen as gay/lesbian when it isn't.

d) I am tired of seeing not only all m/m or all f/f couple being described as "gay" or "lesbian", when you don't even know if both parties are gay/lesbian, or even all these videos about achillean or sapphic stuff being called "gay" or "lesbian" stuff when it affects all achillean/sapphic people.

e) I AM TIRED OF SEEING BI PEOPLE SEEN AS LESS THAN GAY/LESBIAN PEOPLE OKAY ????? The "I hope they're gay. Or at the very least bi." doesn't cut it. It needs to stop. I am not a "second-class queer". I am not something you pick because "pure gold star gays" aren't available. I am not "partially gay". I am not "half-gay, half-straight". I am 100% pan and I love it.

And if you can't accept that, then well : FUCK YOU.

That's it for now. I am so angry right now.

I will see you with another post.

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !

Reclaiming Transgender ?

Reclaiming Transgender ?

Hi everybody, Mary here.

As you've probably noticed by now, my gender has changed a lot and you've probably followed me during my gender exploration... and currently, I identify as non-binary, and bigender (demiboy/demigirl, he/she/they pronouns please).

Now, this is a debate I've seen a lot on social media when it comes to transgender people and non-binary people, and about whether non-binary people can reclaim the word "transgender" for themselves despite not being "binary trans".

(By the way, technically all non-binary people fall under the transgender umbrella, because they're not cisgender and they have all the rights to reclaim the word transgender if they feel like it. There is no consensus on non-binary people choosing to reclaim the word transgender or not and while some people want to reclaim that word, others don't, and whether they want to reclaim it or not, they're valid as non-binary people who are not cisgender and their gender is perfectly valid.)

Now, the only thing I don't really like about this debate is that it's too polarised in my opinion : and there's a divide now. I've seen a video about it recently about the "trans/cis binary" replacing slowly the "male/female" binary even in LGBTQ+ circles and I'm aware that non-binary people don't necessarily like being assigned to "leaning towards one binary" at all. (I'm one of these people.)

However, I don't really like the "medical" implications of the word "transgender". It feels like people are redeemed "trans enough" based on how well you follow gender roles just to be respected as your actual gender, and how cis people can be respected as their actual gender now matter how they present because of cisnormativity.

I really don't like when other non-binary people, especially YouTubers who are vocal about their non-binariness, are called transtrenders, sometimes even by binary trans people themselves, and how harmful it is for all of us.

I really don't like seeing my gender validated by whether I want to transition or not, whether I want hormones or surgery or not (because to be honest, I don't want either of those), and I'm also tired of seeing people being called "lazy" because they don't want to change their name. (because I don't see myself changing my name in the future tbh.)

Also I feel less and less connected to my gender because of that, and I feel like I could never be trans because I am redeemed "lazy" and "a transtrender" by many people who have called other non-binary people like myself this term. I feel like I just can't be myself, that I just have to "conform" to my assigned gender at birth, and that I will never know anything else. And I am so frustrated with this bullshit to be honest.

Anyways, it's a very hard process for me to reclaim this "transgender" word, and for now, I am still uncomfortable with it. I know I am tired of thinking I am not "trans enough" but fuck it tbh. I am me and no one can change that. :)

Okay that's it for today, I really hope you enjoyed this post and I will see you soon with a new one !

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !