Transcend the Binary : My Daily Job

Transcend the Binary : My Daily Job

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, I was chatting with a couple of transgender and non-binary people and one of them decided to bring this video on Jaclyn Glenn's channel (already a not-recommendable YouTuber), who invited Arielle Scarcella to just talk about how "they think there are only two genders and the rest is gender expression only". So, this post will just tell you how much wrong you are. M'kay ?

1) Erasure of intersex people. I've even seen people in the comments saying that it's a "medical condition", when it isn't. Being intersex only prove one thing : that the sex binary doesn't exist in the first place, and that it's the binary imposed by doctors via medical surgeries performed on babies to make them fit in a binary gender at all costs that erases them. Being intersex is natural and exists everywhere in the wild. But I'm not intersex, so I will leave up the conversation to them and they will explain things to you much better than me.

2) Blatant racism. The gender binary, already, is a construct made by White, Euro-centric folks. just look up all the cultures accross the world that acceptes non-binary genders and that, because of White colonialism and supremacy, were erased by European folks and replaced by the binary they had coined themselves. Just imposing the gender binary on everyone, white people or people of colour, is already racist by itself and you're very narrow-minded. Take a lesson or two and we'll talk.

3) Cissexism, truscum, and tokenising your trans friends I guess ? Basically, to prove your "point", you used your own transgender friends as a "gotcha". This is totally unacceptable. And then you wonder why transgender and non-binary folks such as myself want cisgender people to shut the fuck up, especially when they talk over us about transgender and non-binary issues, that they don't experience ? Because I really want you to shut the fuck up right now. Never talk about "gender issues" again, because you have no idea of what's in stake, apparently.

4) Complete disregard towards young people, especially those using the Internet/social media. You might think that this is a "trend picked up by millenial Tumblerinas all under the age of 25 and who don't know better" ? Fuck you. Fuck you clearly and specifically. This blatant entitlement of "I know better than you about transgender and non-binary issues although I'm not either of these categories" is transphobic and enbyphobic, and clearly wrong. Stay in your lane cissies. Besides, the word "genderqueer" has been coined years ago, just like the word queer, to denote those who didn't fit the binaries, whether the "gay/straight" dichotomy or the "cisgender/transgender" one. But then, assimilation happened and the word "non-binary" started replacing the word "genderqueer". Nowadays, you have people identifiying as either or both of them, and it's okay. Just because you didn't know about it... doesn't mean it's not real.

5) How come you don't identify as one [of the binary genders] ? Well, my dear cissies... I just don't. I look at men, regardless of the presentation, it doesn't suit me. I look at women, regardless of the presentation, it doesn't suit me. Yes, I am non-binary. Yes, I am 20 years old and I use Tumblr everyday. Yes, I don't plan on changing my name or getting either HRT or surgeries. Yes I don't experience dysphoria (I only experience social dysphoria, not physical dysphoria). Yes, I smash the binaries, of sexuality and gender, I am beautiful and transcendental, I am me, and no one can change that... but me. And I am not less valid as a non-binary, transgender & bigender person (demiboy & demigirl).

I mean, I don't know Jaclyn (not interested), but coming from someone like you, Arielle... this isn't very surprising. Just look at all the videos about genitals you did recently. Whatever. If this isn't cissexism and transphobia, then I don't know what is.

Anyways. I am not going to spend more energy on such a lost cause as you two, since you will never be educated and will never listen to us. Hasta la vista.

I will see you soon with another post.

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !

p.s. : "cissies" is just a shortened word for "cisgender folks" lmao :)

Clickbait, Sarcasm & Marcus Butler

Clickbait, Sarcasm & Marcus Butler

Hi everybody, Mary here.

Today I am going to be angry, just because I want to.

And I'm going to talk about this recent scandal around Marcus Butler's most recent video, entitled "Why I want to quit YouTube", and how I am utterly pissed off by it.

So this is my message to Marcus (because yes I have time to waste and I love bashing my keyboard uselessly !!!!1!!1!1!1! /sarcasm)

First of all, yes please, Marcus, this is clickbait. The only reason for which I clicked on your video was because I was curious. I mean, I knew you wouldn't quit YouTube, because in the end, it's your job and I don't think you have another one at the moment so you would be pretty much jobless if you decided to throw your entire career (that is entirely dependent on YouTube) through the window.

So yes, I had a few doubts through the video (the glass and faking the crying part and the fake calls sounded very cringey so I was like, seconf-hand embarassed), but in the end, you also had a few valid points that have been brought up by other YouTubers recently.

Because yes, I do believe that all big YouTubers are the same (or at the very least very similar, maybe not in content but in quality of content and point of views on the community in general and how the job of YouTuber is percieved and the reality of it), and also that all big YouTubers are caught up in this race for money, for numbers and for brand deals.

Who are we to blame, though ? After all, it's your job, and you have to do it, no matter what. You have to pay your bills and survive. But this is not an excuse to clickbait and trick your viewers (and me included, who rarely watches your videos !!!!!) and gain views for... nothing I guess ?

I mean, not only your video was pretty bland and tasteless, not funny and fucking tiresome, but also you made fun of people who "don't get sarcasm", saying repeatedly that "[you] can't do anything for [us]". Well I am going to help your little ignorant head out of this bullshit and waves of hate you created around yourself (aren't I nice ?).

1) You asked us "how should [you] have titled it ?" : well, very easy : JUST ADD [sarcasm], [parody], [skit], [sketch], [humour] AT THE END OF THE TITLE !!!!!

But you know damn well that your video wouldn't have gotten the effect it got, it wouldn't have tricked (CLICKBAITED) your viewers, you wouldn't have gotten half of the views you got if you had added just ONE of these words at the end of your title !!!!!

But now I think you've tricked enough people, so if you want to stop the influx of hate comments on this video, it would take you seriously FIVE SECONDS to add ONE WORD to the end of your title. I mean, I could have enjoyed your video if I knew what I was going to get.

2) Please stop making fun of people who "don't get sarcasm". Calling us "eight-year-olds", infantilising us, and out-right ridiculising us is mega-shitty and you should stop. It's not "just young people" you just bashed by incenting hate on them ; you are mocking deliberately anyone who "doesn't get sarcasm" (for example, mentally disabled folks & autistic folks like myself).

And it's pretty ableist from you to say that "everyone should get sarcasm". Because sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. And it's okay. I can't believe I'm fighting you over the lack of ONE word in your title that could have gotten you less views (because less people would have been clickbaited) and less "fun" I guess, but you could have avoided all this feud and hate, just by adding one word out of the five I suggested you.

3) Your "excuse" isn't even an excuse. And there are ways of using clickbait that are definitely smarter than this.

For example, the other day, I watched a video made by Annie Elainey, called "How to spot a fake disability" ! And because I knew that Annie is disabled and talking about ableism in her videos, I knew (and she revealed her true intentions by 30 seconds in) that it was sarcasm, because it wouldn't align up with her videos to say "here are the fakers, chase them !!1!1!1!!1!1!"

Also, another example is Ashley Mardell and wanting to make a sarcastic video called "Why I'm Voting For Trump". Ashley being LGBTQ+ and Trump wanting to send our community to conversion therapy camps, I knew this wouldn't align with her usual content and that she would never vote for someone like Trump ! So, when I will watch her video, I will already know that it's sarcasm !

(And even if I didn't know these YouTubers, this use of clickbait ends up in educating content that is nice to watch and not mocking people for perceiving the video as something else that you wanted personally lmao)

And the other examples you showed in this "apology" video ? These are very obvious clickbait titles that are so ridiculous they are uncomparable to the video you just made. However, the video you just released was more dubious and since it held some truths, I was very confused about whether to believe it or not.

In the end, Marcus, please don't do this. I'm not saying "never make sarcasm ever again". But just put a heads-up in the title. I can't believe I'm wasting my time and energy just to say one thing : DON'T BE A DOUCHE AND PUT ONE WORD OUT THE FIVE I SUGGESTED ABOVE. Nothing more.

I will see you soon with a new post.

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !

This National Coming-Out Day : Don't Queerbait

This National Coming-Out Day : Don't Queerbait

Hi everybody, Mary here.

Today, October 11th, is National Coming-Out Day... and as you probably already know if you're reading my blog or following me on social media, but I am a pan demi-romantic asexual non-binary person, who also identifies as bigender (demiboy & demigirl).

Now that it's said, I'd like to have a little message : cis & straight people ? DON'T COME OUT !!!!!

As someone who's still, outside of social media, closeted to everyone, it really disgusts me to see that there will be cis & straight people who will use this day to queerbait people and trick them into believing that they might be LGBTQ+, when in reality, they aren't.

I've seen so many videos, regardless of the day and the content creator, called "Coming Out", "I Have A Secret", and so many other titles that are disgusting.

Let's go straight to the point : if you're cis and straight, don't use this day to make "a joke" about coming out. Don't do any pranks where you pretend to "come out" and then go around and say "hahaha it's totally fake, who would think I'm gay/trans ?"

Today, there are thousands, millions of LGBTQ+ kids who will be pondering to come out or not. It happens everyday, but especially today. There are kids like me who would love to be out and proud, and who look up to all these people who have faced homelessness, poverty, a family giving up on them, just so they can express themselves freely and love the people they want to.

Everyday, there are thousands of kids who are kicked out or coming out. Who are sent to conversion therapy for coming out. Who are shunned, disowned, for coming out. Who lose friendships, financial support, and so much more.

Why would you make fun of such situations and pretend it's EASY to come out when it isn't ?

Why would you otherise us so much, make our experiences "funny", make a joke out of a very dire and stressful situation that literally puts us in danger ?

WHY DO YOU HATE LGBTQ+ KIDS SO MUCH ?????

Our experiences aren't "up for grabs". You shouldn't be making money off our backs, over our pain and suffering, over the history of dying and poverty and homelessness. Making fun of experiences that are very real and that can be traumatizing

If you truly respect LGBTQ+ people and their struggles when coming out, let them do it. Listen to them, don't pretend that coming out is "easy" because it isn't, it's a personal, concious choice with consequences in this homophobic, transphobic world.

While I'm at it, DON'T OUT OTHER PEOPLE !!!!! Unless you have their personal consent, don't talk about someone else's queerness with anyone else !!!!!

I think that's pretty much it... I'll see you around with a new post.

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !

I Have Chronic Pain ?

I Have Chronic Pain ?

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, a few weeks ago, I started going back to school again ! Yay !

But, you know, good things never come alone... therefore, pain came back.

Since I've been back to school, I've had pain flare-ups : back pain mostly, going through my legs and ankles, but also up to my shoulders and fingers. Recently it has flared up more in my right leg than i my left one and I feel like the right leg is shorter/weaker than the left one ? I don't really know.

(I also have some constriction periods around the heart sometimes and ribcage pain and I can't run for more than 30 seconds without being pantless for minutes afterwards, and have stomach issues and morning nausea right after breakfast, which led me to skip breakfast when I was a kid/teenager until very recently when I decided to have breakfast anyways, which causes a lot of nausea)

(Basically : morning nausea + orthopedic shoe soles & "beginning of scoliosis" since the age of 8, pantless episodes and heart constrictions since the age of 14 to 16, chronic back pain since I was a kid, and now it's just getting worse because I stopped using my shoe soles ?????)

The pain is mostly sharp, as if my bones were dissolving or were bare, and sometimes numb/tingly ? But most of the time it's sharp and I spend most of my free time in bed, with pillows to sustain my back and to have minimal pain.

I already have limited energy because of my autism, dyspraxia and other mental illnesses and already follow the Spoon Theory coined by Christine Miserandino, but this level of pain is sometimes almost unbearable.

When I was a kid, I had (just like my little brother since it's genetic), valgus feet, and a high arc (pes cavus) and "a beginning of scoliosis". I don't really know what it means (maybe it was a very mild scoliosis they thought would be reduced/stopped with the orthopedic shoe soles I had since the age of 8 ?). My little brother also has them and still uses them, but I don't, I think I left them in my last pair of shoes that I stopped using a couple of months ago ?

So if I have scoliosis and issues maybe my little brother has them too ? Or maybe more ?

For now I'm just really confused and in pain... I'll see my doctor soon and whatever happens, happens... If you have any tips on how to talk to the doctor so you can be believed (and get them and your mom to trust you and not blame veganism when if I'm being healthy af and some of the pain had started before I went vegan) ?

I'll see you soon with a new post hopefully !

And as usual, our last word :  KIDNEYS !

Why I'm Pro Self-Diagnosis

Why I'm Pro Self-Diagnosis

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, I really wanted to make a post about self-diagnosis and my stance on people who self-diagnose themselves with one or multiple mental illnesses, personality disorders, or autism.

Personally, I have officially diagnosed autism and dyspraxia, and self-diagnosed mental illnesses and personality disorders (depression anxiety, BPD and OCD). And to be very honest, I am not interested in having my mental illnesses/persoality disorders officially diagnosed (at least for now).

Now, here's why this story explains the reason for my defense of self-diagnoses :

1) Official diagnoses are very usually hard to get, they are expensive and not accessible everywhere. It's very long, and it's very ableist and classist to believe that "anyone can get an official diagnosis" when really, the poorest, most vulnerable people can't access official diagnoses.

2) My personal experiences with my official diagnoses are so bad that I don't want my mental illnesses to be disclosed to the public, no matter how they affect my entire life and how I manage my daily routines.

When I was diagnosed with dyspraxia at the age of 11, I was already made fun of by my step-dad, infantilisd by my mom, and otherised by everyone else. I had decided to not tell anyone about my dyspraxia because I thought it was "irrelevant". And I suffered during my studies because of that, because I could hardly take notes and finish my exams. I was even considered "too clever" for accomodations in high-school.

And when I was diagnosed with autism this year, at the age of 20, I recieved so much ableism from my entire family. I was the butt of the joke by my step-dad and I had to flee the house behind his back when he was away with my little brother camping... and even my mother, no matter how good her intentions are, still thought that 1) autism affected her as much as it affected me, and acted like one of these "autism moms" who are like "woe of me I am so hurt" and 2) basically denied my testimonies to talk about autism...

Having an official diagnosis literally puts you in danger in front of neuro-typical people. Being out as neuro-divergent can cause you to have ties with your family and friends cut off, and you realise how even people you previously thought would be on your side no matter what revealed their ableism and how they basically treat you differently because of your official diagnosis.

My step-dad, who was already abusive as fuck, was even more abusive when he learnt about my dyspraxia, and then autism. My mom keeps telling me she's relieved when she learnt about my dyspraxia, and then autism, but kept talking over me most of the time. I have been compared to Hitler and my abusive step-dad, and almost physically beaten up and thrown in multiple panic attacks where I cried by my uncle and aunt.

3) The idea that you need an official diagnosis to get accomodations you deserve, knowing the previous points, and how official diagnoses also can put you through forced medicalisation, institutionalisation and unwanted therapy,

When I was diagnosed with dyspraxia, I had to meet neurologists and go through physical therapy where they treated me like a 5-year-old with very ridiculous exercices, up to the point where I had to ask my mom, crying in the car, that I don't want to do this anymore. I had been there for a year before it stopped.

Now that I have also been diagnosed with autism, I have already met one psychologist (for the pre-tests), and two psychiatrists (one for the official diagnosis, one afterwards). The fact that as soon as my mom opened her mouth, the doctors would basically ignore me and just talk about me with her without consulting me... was insulting. It's not like I can be non-verbal sometimes, or I can't answer the question, and all of a sudden I am invisible and people talk over me constantly.

The second psychiatrist was the worst. Asking me personal details about my life, my special interests, I didn't want to tell him. My mom and uncle then talked over me and told him about them, how I love "childish things" and they proceeded to make fun of them in front of me. They made my mom cry by asking questions that mad her feel guilty, that made me cry, and then my uncle proceeded to brush off my concerns and internalised guilt.

TL;DR : Basically, when you're against self-diagnosis, you are an ableist piece of shit. You are pressuring people who can't or don't want to go through the process of official diagnoses, you're basically telling them that our validity as neuro-divergent people are only valid if they fit in very narrow boxes created by neuro-typical people, that you don't care about the negative experiences neuro-divergent people talk about constantly, and how being officially diagnosed otherises, ridiculises and puts you in danger just for wanting accomodations.

To my fellow neuro-divergent people : Of course not all official diagnoses stories are bad and I don't want to scare you if you want an official diagnosis. If you really want it, you should definitely get one, especially if you want one. You shouldn't be afraid of asking for an official diagnosis or be pressured to be quiet about it and not talk about it. After all, this is for you, so you should be proud of your neuro-divergence. I love you, you are beautiful. Stay safe.

Okay, that's it for now. I hope you enjoyed this post and I will see you very soon with a new one.

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !