WTF Straighties ? #HeterosexualPrideDay is an ACTUAL thing !?!?!

WTF Straighties ? #HeterosexualPrideDay is an ACTUAL thing !?!?!

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, I thought I had seen strange things in my life. Weird things, embarassing things, things that I thought would never happen but that actually did.

The thing I will talk about today is one of the grossest, most disgusting, and also the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen in my entire life, hands down.

You know, this is one of the thing you really wish never existed and also you wish you could just erase them forever because they are literally so bad ???

I'm talking, obviously, about #HeterosexualPrideDay, that trended THE WHOLE FUCKING DAY yesterday on Twitter.

Here are some of the most disgusting, grossest things I noticed about this hashtag as I scrolled it with the utmost patience yesterday :

1) I've seen straight white cis dudes complaining about "SJW", all feminists, the WHOLE LGBTQ+ community, comparing us to "crybabies", "butthurt people", saying that we only have "butthurt feelings" and we only like to "whine" about "inexistant problems", when in reality, second point just below :

2) THEY JUST LOVE ERASING OUR STRUGGLES, OUR OPPRESSION, OUR DISCRIMINATION, AND THEY LOVE REDUCING US AND OUR IDENTITIES TO NOTHING, THEY LOVE PERPETUATING THE FUCKING VIOLENCE, RAPE AND MURDER OF MY POC AND TRANS FRIENDS, THEY LOVE SEEING US SUFFER WHEN THEY HAVE OUR BLOOD ON THEIR HANDS !!!

3) They literally do not understand what pride is, apparently. Pride is A RIOT TO CLAIM A LIVE WITHOUT OPPRESSION AND EQUAL RIGHTS, not just "shoving a lifestyle down your throats" or whatever. Instead of asking us why there isn't a straight pride, ask yourselves why you don't need one. You should be glad of not having to fight for your rights, for equality, or even worse, just for your basic existence without fear or oppression. I will gladly give you a fucking parade if you want... on the day you take our oppression and unequal rights. Would you like that to happen to YOU, YOUR FAMILY. YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR LOVED ONES ? Because if that's the case, then be my fucking guest. Come on, and I'll gladly exchange my oppression against one of the parades you love so fucking much anyday.

4) "So you can be proud of your sexuality but we can't ?" FUCKING. NO. You don't have to be proud of being straight because your orientation is ALREADY CELEBRATED BY THE FUCKING SOCIETY THAT OPPPRESSES US SO FUCKING MUCH !!!!! You have Hollywood, movies, TV shows, ads, the ENTIRE FUCKING SOCIETY is on your side. When we say we're proud of ourselves, it means WE ARE PROUD OF BEING WHO WE ARE AND LOVING WHO WE LOVE IN A WORLD THAT TRIES TO SILENCE US, OPPRESS US AND FUCKING MURDER US WITHOUT AN AFTERTHOUGHT !!!!!

5) "If you cared that much about equality, you'd give us a pride day, too !" ON THE DAY THAT WE'LL HAVE EQUAL RIGHTS MOTHERFUCKER !!!!! If you care that much about equality, then why don't you act on it and GIVE US EQUAL RIGHTS AND STOP OPPRESSING US FUCKING ASSHOLES !!!!! I don't give a fuck about your feelings. I don't want you to have any pride day as long as my community is bleeding and hurting and facing oppression that you will NEVER face in your entire lives !!!!!

6) "You make everything about yourselves anyways." As if you didn't make, I don't know, THE WHOLE FUCKING SOCIETY ABOUT YOURSELVES !!!!! Uh ? And then you cry when we have representation in the media, claiming that "it's not necessary", or "why are you shoving this down my face", or "why are you showing this to my children, they'll never understand !!!"... FUCKING HELL STOP THIS BULLSHIT ALREADY !!!!! It's fucking pride month fucking straighties. Can't you just let us breathe for a second ?

7) NEVER TAKE A FUCKING PRIDE DAY FOR YOUR STRAIGHT ASS !!!!!!!!!! By doing that, not only you erase our community and the struggles we faced just to hae a little bit of pride in ourselves, but also you ridiculise, and invalidate our entire FUCKING MOVEMENT and reduce it as "a joke you can pull off online". Like, two weeks ago, FIFTY OF MY POC AND TRANS FRIENDS WERE KILLED BY A FUCKING STRAIGHTIE AND FIFTY MORE WERE WOUNDED. Can you just not ? Steal ? A ? Day ? During ? Pride ? Month ? For ? Your ? Nasty ? Ass ? THANK YOU FUCKING MUCH !!!!!

8) "You're just an heterophobe anyways" Like, heterophobia... does NOT EXIST !!!!! Being straight means you are PRIVILEDGED !!! Hello !!! You will NEVER FACE OPPRESSION BECAUSE YOU'RE STRAIGHT !!! Understood, straightie ?

9) "You only exist because we gave birth to you, therefore we should also be celebrated" and... I don't care. Like, at all. I don't give a single fuck. With modern technology, we don't even need you anymore. Get lost.

10) Is it a coincidence that the people who created this hashtag are white cis middle-class dudes who also want, like, #WhiteHistoryMonth, #WhiteOut, believe in fucking cisphobia, misandry, "racism against whites", or heterophobia ? Like, these are the douches that make the whole world, our entire society unsafe for anyone who disagrees with them. You know what ? GO FUCK YOURSELVES AND NEVER COME NEAR ME EVER. Thank you very much, goodbye.

That's my opinion on #HeterosexualPrideDay, the only thing we jokingly talked about, hoping that it would never happen irl, but that happened anyways.

Fucking hell. I'm so fucking mad. I can't even. I'm retiring from this world, goodbye.

I'll see you soon with another post.

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !!!

The Seven Deadly Priviledges

The Seven Deadly Priviledges

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, I was watching some feminist/LGBTQ+ videos and some of them addressing priviledge and the relations between an oppressive group and an oppressed group, and I realised, that when reading the comments in the comment sections of these videos, lots of priviledged people do not realise, like, at all, what being priviledge is.

Since priviledge folks apparently have a hard time thinking about their oppressive behaviour and how it affects oppressed groups and minorities, I will be discussing very briefly about the Seven Deadly Priviledges.

Basically, I will start with seven priviledges, that are very easy to recognise, and also the most prevalent forms of priviledge in our societies. Of course, there are many ways in which people are oppressed and I can't talk about them in this post as I'm trying to vulgarise my speech for the common masses who don't even know how to Google.

Just like the Seven Deadly Sins and how people can sin in many other ways, here are the Seven Deadly Priviledges, a.k.a. the first seven priviledges you'll probably learn in your life, and that need to be taken the most seriously.

1) Being white. This is quite obvious, and guess what ? I am white myself and I am aware of that priviledge that I have over people of colour. Being white means you do not experience racism, any form of oppression based on your skin colour, your origins, or your ethnicity. And this prevents you from living discrimination, oppression, violence and murder for your ethnicity. Don't take that for granted, like, ever. Thank you. (Also, stop cultural appropriation, thank you.)

2) Being cisgender. By being cisgender, a.k.a., identifying with the gender that has been assigned to you at birth, you do not experience transphobia, or in my case, non-binary phobia/erasure. If you never have to question your gender, have to spend money, time and efforts through surgery and hormones, see your gender invalidated or erased, then you have a priviledge that many of us transgender and non-binary folks don't. Please be aware of that.

3) Being straight. Performing hetero-normativity in every sense of the word (a.k.a. being heterosexual AND hetero-romantic at the same time) is a priviledge, because guess what ? Your romantic and sexual orientations will never be the cause of your discrimination, oppression, violence, corrective rape, or death. It's people who share my identity who are being killed and violated everyday in the streets, not you, little straighties. Before you even start talking about "how good of an ally you are", remember that. Thank you.

4) Being a man. Because you will never experience sexism. I think this one is quite obvious : you won't have to worry about recieving less money for the same job because of your gender, be sexualised, reduced to an object, be the subject of every sexist joke that hinders your progression, and as a female-aligned non-binary person and a feminist, I can't take this anymore. Please check your priviledge as a man while I sip my cup of male tears. Away from you.

5) Being able-bodied. Not needing a wheelchair, a cane, or mobility aids to go around is a priviledge, and I have it. It means you will never hear complains about "how slow you are", being fatigued because of your disabilities, having to take less space, because able-bodied people feel entitled to take all the space they want, and expecting you to move out of the way when they are the ones who can move and not you. Remember this priviledge, oh, and also, the fact that it's legal to pay disabled people under the minimum wage. Wow. (Chronic illnesses also fall under this category of oppression.)

6) Being neuro-typical. You don't have a personality disorder, a mental illness, a dys-something (dyspraxia, dyslexia, dyscalculia, among many others), or aren't in the autistic spectrum yourself ? Wow, this is a priviledge that, as an autistic person with multiple personality disorders and mental illnesses, will never have in my entire life ! Being neuro-typical means the world is catered to you. From socialisation in schools to the work field and literally the whole world, being neurodivergent means you have to face the expectations of being neuro-typical and having to behave like neuro-typical people. Be glad it isn't you who's exhausted everyday to perform an act that is unnatural for us. Thank you.

7) Being a middle-class to upper-class person. No financial problems with you, it seems. No problems to buy food, make it to rent, pay your bills, send your kids to (elite) schools, without fearing the crushing debt ? Not having to make two or three jobs to survive and still being afraid of extra expenses ? Not fearing debt when going to the hospital or going for a medical treatment ? Being able to be financially sustainable and pay all your expenses debt-free ? This is also a priviledge that people from lower classes and who have lower incomes don't have. And I'm aware of this as a person from a middle-to-upper class background. So, yeah, please think about this next time you say "oh, that's not expensive" to someone who can't afford something. They probably know they don't have the means for it and they don't need your classist ass to remind them that. Thank you.

TL;DR : Are you one of the following words : white, cis, straight, a man, able-bodied, neuro-typical, or a middle-to-upper class person ? Congratulations : YOU ARE PRIVILEDGED. It doesn't mean you are a bad person for those priviledges. It just means you have been given something that gives you a headstart, something that isn't given to other people and is the basis of their discrimination and oppression. You have to be aware of these "gifts" that haven't been given to others, and own them, and listen to the oppressed groups and give them a voice in a world that is so deeply trying to erase and silence them. Thank you.

Wow. This post is way longer than I expected. Anyways, now I hope you understand how priviledges work, how you can work around your own priviledges, and how you can learn about oppression and discrimination without making everything about yourself and your sacro-saint "allyship" (that should be called "allyshit" tbh) and "how good of an ally you are".

I will see you soon with a new post.

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !!!

I'm #ProudToBe queer

I'm #ProudToBe queer

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, a couple of days ago, in the wake of the Orlando shooting that affected Latinx and black LGBTQ+ folks, a video was made by the YouTube spotlight in order to empower the LGBTQ+ community and defend and validate our own identities, by giving a spotlight for LGBTQ+ content creators to talk about their identities and their story.

And HOLY HECK THE STRAIGHTS CAN'T EVEN SH*T THE F*CK UP FOR LIKE MORE THAN A F*CKING SECOND.

So much hate has been spread around, on this video's comment section and among other #ProudToBe videos that were uploaded by LGBTQ+ content creators.

There are even more dislikes than likes in these videos holy sh*t. Why can't you let our community mourn the latinx and black lives that were lost and grieve and hope this will never happen again ?

Why do you feel the need to hate our community, especially during these tragic events, during Pride month, a month of celebration of our identities and our pride to be who we are ?

So, (a little bit late yes but it's better than never), I'll tell you why I'm #ProudToBe queer.

Because I discovered identifiers that describe me, my sexuality and my gender.

Because I am a pan-demi romantic asexual non-binary person who is damn proud of every little label that, like puzzle pieces, form the art that is me.

Because I am proud of my community, of everyone who is in it, and of the support we give each other, especially in times of trouble.

Because I love destroying the gender binary and heterosexism and cissexism.

Because I've been scared for too long to live the rest of my life this way.

Because my identity is no other than beautiful, valid, and something to be immensely proud of.

Because I am me, and no one can change that. Ever. <3 <3 <3

Alright, this was a little bit short, but yeah ! I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it.

I will see you soon with another post soon.

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !!!

Biphobia in the LGBTQ+ community : the discussion

Biphobia in the LGBTQ+ community : the discussion

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, very recently the discussion between lesbians and bisexual women has started again. Two years after the very regrettable and biphobic video made by Arielle Scarcella and her lesbian friends, and the response (made on her own channel) suggested by Ashley Mardell on the bisexual women's side as a reaction to this video, it seems that the discussion between lesbians and bisexual women would be impossible.

So, when I heard that Arielle Scarcella herself wanted to make amends even more, I was a little bit surprised. I don't know what I was expecting of this video but it wasn't what I expected. (And to be truly honest, even Ashley's video on her channel was a little bit bittersweet for my taste.)

As a pan girl, I wanted to add a little bit to the conversation that is happening between lesbians and bisexual girls (and you can already see my arguments defending the bi ladies right through your window ! look !).

No, but seriously though. Arielle tried to make excuses and everything but the lesbians she invited for the video were a little bit... well, dubious, in my opinion. Here are some things I've heard in this video that I don't specifically like and here's why.

"If you're dating a lesbian you'll only have to worry about other girls", said one of the lesbians. Well, are we talking about potential cheating, and how bi girls, having a "bigger dating pool", would, like, cheat more easily ? (P.S. : actually, because of biphobia, we have a reduced dating pool, and also, we tend to be more closeted towards our partners in fear of biphobia. Also, we aren't more likely to cheat than anyone else, thank you.)

"no image of the opposite sex" (maybe misheard this one so please tell me if I'm wrong) : wow. Cissexism AND non-binary phobia in the same sentence ? Clearly a perfect feature. My non-binary ass is clearly SOOOOO fucking pleased. No, really, tell me more about the "so-feared opposite sex" that is thinly veiled transphobia. I love it.

The lesbians who answered in this video are still jealous of "both genders", meaning more non-binary erasure, and also how the "cheater stigma" and jealousy and insecurities of the lesbians is still prevalent in their community.

"should the sexual acts be more vaginal opposed to clitoral because of their history of straight sex ?" : What is this transphobic, cissexist, and non-binary phobic question again please ? I don't know how a woman likes her sex is linked to her sexuality, really. Maybe it's because I'm an unexperimented virgin asexual who literally doesn't care. LMAO.

"i'm the only real bisexual, all the other girls are straight and experimenting with her" : this is the comment from one of the bisexual girls but where do you pull that data from ? just wondering...

Now let's dissect Ashley's video (that I watched after Arielle's one hahaha), to see the difference when the bisexual women are the ones talking about their struggles and their personal issues (read : biphobia).

Here are the important things I took from Ashley's video :

Bisexual women are still feeling the need to prove their biness by dating a girl (example of Savannah who never dated one "officially" but whose bisexual label is still valid)

Bisexual women are being denied wlw spaces when dating a man but accepted when dating a woman (see how they have to perform gayness all the time and how only the "sga" part of their orientation is taken seriously by lesbians, all the other genders they are attracted to being invalidated and being considered "straight", which is also another way of showing bi erasure, non-binary erasure, and cissexism in the cis LG community lmao)

Bisexual women are being considered "less than" by lesbians who consider themselves the "true gay folks"

Lesbians are enforcing gold-star politics onto bisexual women and forcing them into categories and rankings based on that

Thank you so much Amy for reminding us that the LGBTQ+ community is the only minority that cannibalises ourselves

Also thanks Gaby for the comment of the century about biphobia : "What are you gonna do ? make videos i guess.", LMAO I'm crying of laughter over here

In the end, I have a message for both lesbians and bisexual girls out there, here me out !!!

For the lesbians : hmmmm. Maybe try to learn and trust bisexual folks. Maybe respect them and their identity lmao. Maybe ditch the biphobic tropes, clichés and stereotypes. Maybe listen to us when we're talking about biphobia lol.

For the bisexual women : you don't have to prove anything at all. The only perfect and valid way to be bisexual is by identifying as bisexual. You are a beautiful and valid wlw and you deserve the world because you rock.

On the conversation needed between lesbians and bisexual women though, I don't really understand something about it so someone should tell me. Why is it up to the bisexual women to open up, talk about their dating history and their attractions, and so on ? Why does it seem impossible for us to date without having to explain everything to lesbians ? mmmmmh... I am just wondering.

Otherwise yes, the conversation is needed. And by that I mean talking about our labels, our differences, not as a rift or a conflicting way, but as a unifying way to celebrate our rich diversity in stories, labels and experiences. Outside of the dating circle that involves the fear of cheating and war-like conversations.

Alright, this is a long post already, I'll just stop it here and I will see you soon with... erm... something else. lol.

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !!!

YouTube's new terms of services are targeting freedom of speech ?

YouTube's new terms of services are targeting freedom of speech ?

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, very recently, YouTube has changed its terms of services in order to stop harassment, hurtful, sexualising, humiliating comments and videos, and so on.

Obviously, many people have declared that this is against freedom of speech, and while I agree that the new terms of services are very loose (and will probably cause mayhem just like the Copyrights™ mayhem and videos being pulled out very easily), I don't really believe it's against freedom of speech.

I've watched a video made by Philip de Franco (link : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IScMCjOvlxM) and the main comments were about how "SJW will rule the world !!!", that "YouTube is becoming a leftist, PC 'safespace' for butthurt people", how it's against freedom of speech and how we're just a bunch of crybabies who can't handle "the real world", I don't really believe this crap to be honest.

Phil, you wanted reactions ? Here's my reaction.

1) "freedom of speech" is obviously a concept made so that people in power (such as the government) cannot censor the press, the media, people going against propaganda, and so on. It has been created with the movement of the Lumières, in France, because of the absolute monarchy reigning and being oppressive of anti-monarchists. In no way is "freedom of speech" a way to be a jerk, to ridiculise, demonise, humiliate, doxx, or criticise other people without previous notice.

2) it's very different to call someone out on their crap, when for example, they are rapists, abusers, or pedophiles. Or criminals in general. than pulling out crap and lies and "roasting". This is just bullshit and it needs to be called out. I think this is why the "roast yourself challenge" was created ? So that people criticise themselves and realise we're all flawed instead of taking your anger on someone else who doesn't deserve this crap ? But yeah. I'm very pro-calling someone out for criminal behaviour. I'm very against judgment against others because of who they are.

3) the supposed "attack on the second amendment" is so US-centric it hurts. Like, yes, YouTube is a US-centric company, but international users are also benefitting this platform for self-expression.

4) I am deeply worried about the comments you left on your own videos, calling SJWs crybabies for wanting a safespace, being worried that the LGBTQ+ community, feminists or vegans are just gonna rule the platform, or that we just have "a bunch of hurt feelings" and "utter whining". We deserve a safespace where we can talk about our oppression, as women, people of colour, or as queer people. We deserve a safespace where people can't just take away our footage and make fun of it "in disguise of criticism" or "in fair use" (which is also a US-centric thing). I've seen many of my LGBTQ+ and feminist favourite YouTubers being attacked by people who have honestly enough time in their hands to ridicule other people for their points of views.

I am deeply worried that people cannot talk freely on YouTube about racism, ableism, classism, sexism, homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, and so on, without being targeted by others with their hate speeches.

I am deeply worried about people coming to watch supportive videos about important issues such as LGBTQ+ rights, feminism, positivity for people of colour or disabled people, or poor people, and reading the comments, only to find hate, which fuels self-hatred and negative perceptions of self.

I am deeply worried that people won't find the strength to call these negative comments, or these negative videos out, because they don't want to enter into conflicts because of who they are.

I am deeply worried that whenever I enter a comment section, or even the YouTube frontpage, hateful messages and videos are the ones that are spread the most, that criticising rude videos have more views and more likes than the ones criticising our cishetero patriarchy, and that these videos are hated and pushed away when they're trying to educate people.

I am worried for the future of this platform, because I thought that it would be very eye-opening to watch channels with beautiful opinionated people who are hated because of who they are.

I am worried that the classic sexist, transphobic, homophobic, ableist, classist "jokes" will still be ruling in my favourite YouTubers' videos, without fearing any backlash or critiques, because I want a safespace where I can avoid the already hurtful world, without being hurt a second time.

I am worried about the next generations coming for hope in the media in general and not finding any.

I am worried about you, Phil. Will your videos be taken down because of your critiques too ?

I am just wondering.

TL;DR : While YouTube's new terms of services may be "too loose" and will probably cause many problems, freedom of speech is freedom against censorship from people in power (such as governments), but isn't "the freedom of being an asshole". It's different to call out a criminal and deliberately hating someone for who they are. The Second Amendment is US-centric & YouTube needs to acknowledge international users. I want YouTube to be a safespace to express our opinions, talk about oppression & discrimination, and find positivity for minorities without people hating and belittling us. Thank you.

I hope (for Phil and anyone else reading this) that it's clear and concise, and I'm willing to answer any questions or remarks about this post.

I will see you soon with another post.

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !!!

Autism is a priviledge !?! (#sarcasm)

Autism is a priviledge !?! (#sarcasm)

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, if you've read my personal posts on Tumblr recently, I've come to the conclusion that I might be autistic (having Asperger's, to be precise).

In order to have a professional diagnosis that would guarantee me protections, I've taken a pre-diagnosis on the day before my birthday, and I recieved the report one month later. The report was pretty positive, that it was probable that I'm autistic, and that I now have to go back to Paris to meet a psychiatrist in order to recieve the official diagnosis.

The thing is, since the discovery of my potential autism, not only I dropped out of my business school to go to university to study languages, but also, I started working in an internship for some experience. And my mom, that I thought on my side, is really just on the side of my abusive step-dad.

Today, she told me that working part-time in an office, part-time at home was a "priviledge" that I shouldn't take for granted, and that even working in a field that I like (in this economy ??? Barbara this is too much priviledge !!! How come kids aren't working in fields they don't like at all, and for no money !!! Damn kids !!!) was a priviledge. (P.S. : I am not getting paid for this internship. This is the price of the "priviledge" I've been "granted". I could have gotten money for working full-time in the office but my mom knew I wouldn't make it.)

I was just expecting the word "lazy" to leave her mouth to describe me, and she did. She thinks I'm a lazy asshole who doesn't do any effort (something repeated by my abusive father multiple times), and that I don't deserve what I'm getting now. Even if my autism prevents me from working like allistic people, she things that my "handicap" shouldn't hinder my quality of living (even if it does).

Basically, she sent me a documentary about (obviously cis) women with Asperger's, who all managed to have a "normal" quality of life (by allistic standards, that is). The thing is, newsflash : just because someone "made it" doesn't mean that all autistic people can do it as well.

And then, she went going on about how, since neuro-typicals rule the world, I had to "act neuro-typical". According to her, I have to be the one adapting myself to allistic people, just like all autistic people. She whined about "how hard it is to put up with you", just like my step-dad. She told me that I had to bend over and respect their arbitrary rules, even if I didn't want to. She told me that "she's only doing it for my own good" (even if she knows about my depression & anxiety & insomnia but she doesn't care, like, at all).

The worst part ? "I won't be here forever.", "What will you do without me ?", "I'm scared you won't make it without me". Like, can't you make it even more about yourself ? Like, are you the one who has autism and who suffers everyday to "act allistic" ??? "Oh, but I can do things I don't like too so you should be able to do it as well !!!". You're ALLISTIC, you don't know what it is to be autistic !!!

(Oh, and let's talk about her racism also ??? Like, "I would feel just like you if I were in "Black Africa" and had to learn rituals and "dances" to have food lolol" ??? NO ??? It's super easy for allistic people to reproduce manners and adapt themselves to a new environment. But it's not for autistic people !!! Like they HATE changes and the unprevisible !!! lolol !!!)

Anyways. I guess neuro-typicals never change. When I was eleven, I was diagnosed with dyspraxia, and I was met with sentences like "You have to adapt yourself", "You have to learn a way to act around your "handicap" and behave like us", and such... and now I wish I never told my mom about autism. Like everything else. Like all my problems. I wish I could still lie and pretend to be someone I'm not so she doesn't worry about me. I wish she didn't say "You have to co-exist with us" when she meant "You have to behave the way we want to or we'll kick you out and you'll be isolated forever". I wish I were allistic, neuro-typical, extroverted, and "the perfect, brilliant daughter" my mom wanted me to be. I wish I were "normal".

But I'm not.

Alright, I'll stop it there. I hope this post isn't too gloomy and I will see you very soon with a new one, I hope.

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !!!

Demi/Grey orientations explained

Demi/Grey orientations explained

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, today, I've seen a demi/grey-sexuality being invalidated on Tumblr, so I promised a little post explaining how being demi/grey is valid and what it actually means.

Unlike allosexual/alloromantic people, demi/grey people (that will be referred as such for both sexual and romantic orientations) do not experience attraction immediately.

As a pan demi-romantic asexual, I find it a little bit difficult to convey the thought of attraction, so I'll try my best to express myself in a clear way (so please tell me if what you're reading is unintelligible alright ? Okay.).

But here's the thing : in my opinion, when there's compatibility, or when a person sees another person meeting their requirements/standards, they can be attracted to them romantically/sexually. It doesn't means that allo people are "dirty sex havers" or "always trying to be in a relationship", because you know, human beings can respect other human beings and their boundaries, and consent is needed before a romantic/sexual relationship starts. It's the mutual consent between the parties that start the relationship, nothing else.

However, demi/grey people can't think this way. Let's take an example of a person A and a person B who are both allo. If they're compatible and find an ideal in each other, the attraction will probably blossom pretty easily, and the relationship can start. Sometimes, people are friends for years before discovering this attraction ; sometimes, the relationship starts sooner.

But if, let's say, B was demi/grey, A could be attracted to B, but B wouldn't be immediately attracted to A. For B, the "friendship" status is mandatory, when for allos, it isn't. B could find an ideal in A, think they are the best person in the universe, meeting all of their standards ; however, the attraction comes later, or comes rarely. That's what it means to be demi/grey.

I also noticed that demi/grey people, in comparison to allos, often have less crushes on other people. As a demi-romantic person, I've only had two romantic crushes in my entire life, only for people I was extremely close to, and was friends with months before the attraction happens.

Anyways, regardless of what I said, please don't erase demi/grey identities. They are a part of the ace/aro spectrums, they are valid, and it's not your place (especially if you're allo, but it's also to be said to ace/aro people who invalidate those identities) to judge these people.

Okay, that's it for the clarification ! I really hope you enjoyed this post and I will see you very soon with another one.

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !

Monosexism is...

Monosexism is...

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, today, I want to talk about monosexism, biphobia, and bi erasure. Not only by straight people, but also by the LGBTQ+ community itself.

I've seen many people being against the concept of monosexism, but let's be honest, they are mostly gay people, and they don't face biphobia.

(Because yes, biphobia is not a subset of homophobia. It's its own thing.)

Anyways, here's a letter covering this topic that is monosexism. Enjoy.

Monosexism is...

The pervasive belief, held by many straight and gay people, that people can only be attracted to one gender, and not more.

The pervasive belief held by many straight and gay people that bisexuality, polysexuality, and pansexuality do not exist.

The pervasive stereotype held by many straight and gay people that bisexuals and other people who are attracted to more than one gender are "greedy", "confused", "cheaters", "liars", "undecisive", "slutty", and so on.

Gay and straight people alike being outright saying "I don't want to date a bisexual person because they will cheat on me with someone of a different gender immediately !!!"

The pervasive belief held by many straight and gay people that they're "smarter" than us because "we have the decency to pick a side" (actual quote from a gay person)

The pressure held both by many straight and gay people that we "have to pick a side already !"

The pervasive belief that only heterosexuality and homosexuality were the two valid orientations, and even during the "modern studies on sexuality" (by that read the 1980s), classifying bisexuality as "secondary homosexuality". (As if we were just a subset of gay people and not our own unique orientation, smh.)

The pervasive belief held by many straight and gay people that being in a same-gender relationship makes us gay and being in a different-gender relationship makes us straight.

Gay people barring us from pride if we're "het-partenered" and telling us right away that a different-gender relationship invalids our queerness right away and makes us "dirty heteros who want to invade the ~actually queer~ community".

Bisexual and other people who are attracted to more than one gender staying closeted more frequently than gay people, being more likely to be the victim of abuse, mental illnesses and other problems, but no one talking about this.

Bi-erasure, calling bi celebrities "allies", and erasing their bisexuality by calling them either straight of gay, until they are demonised when speaking up or being out (see the case of Amber Heard when she came forward about Johnny Depp's abuse). Biphobia that keeps us in the closet. Biphobia that makes our self-discovery only harder because we've been engrained so hard that you could only be straight or gay.

Monosexism is the system holding biphobia.

And it needs to stop.

Anyways, I just wanted to vent. Of course, being gay is NOT a better situation that being bi, because in the straights' eyes, we're all "deviant" for some reason. There's no priviledge in being in the LGBTQ+ community, and even if we face different hardships, what we have in common is not being straight, and being marginalised for this fact.

But saying that gay people haven't tried to suppress bi and multi-gender attracted people from the conversation by saying we're just "faking it" and "stealing resources", is completely wrong.

I call this monosexism because it's a belief that has been seen among both straight and gay people alike. They've been using the same arguments to invalidate multi-gender attraction. They're trying to discredit our orientations all the same.

It's time to speak up, my fellow bi/poly/pan people. It's time for pride.

Anyways, this was just a fun rambling, I'll stop it right there. I'll see you very soon with a new post !

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !!!