The Uncanny Fail #2

The Uncanny Fail #2

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, as the summer has now officially come and arrived in the Northern hemisphere, where I live, I wanted to talk with you about another really important Uncanny Fail that ruins my life and has done so since my earliest childhood : I CAN'T TAN. Like, EVER. So, here is my confession, guys.

I Can't Tan

(Or how having no melanin AT ALL has ruined my entire existence on this planet FOREVER)

So, since I was a child, I've NEVER been able to tan. My skin is so pale that in elementary school, or in middle/high school, I would get comments along the lines of : "But Mary, why are you so pale ?", "Do you never go outside or anything ?", "Do you EVEN go to the beach or do you just stay inside all day ?", "Do you EVEN have friends or are you anti-social as f*ck ?", every year, and I really mean it, every year, without fail, in ALL September reunions at school.

And even when the summer was long over and in the middle of the f*cking winter or in spring, I wold get comments along the lines of : "Wow, she looks like a zombie.", "Isn't she the witch in this area or anything ?", and even grown-ups F*CKING ADULTS would tell me :"Well, isn't she really pale or anything ?", "Are you sure she's not ill or anything ? She looks like an aspirin pill."

Well, here's the news, guys : I CAN'T TAN. EVER.

And you want to know why ? Just because I don't have the F*CKING melanin to do so. You don't know what melanin is ? Well, it's simple : it's the substance in your skin, your pigmentation, that is different according to your geographic origins. In the hottest areas of this globe, people are dark-skinned because they have a lot of melanin. They must have it to have their skin protected. In the meantime, in the coldest areas of this globe, people are fair-skinned because they have less melanin, because they don't need that much protection, and also, to catch up all that vitamin D with all the poor sun that we get (poor me hahaha). This is the laws of GENETIC. SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST.

Is THAT hard to understand that I personnaly DON'T have the melanin to tan ? My mom, for example, has the same problem as me (I think this runs in our blood, as I said, genetics), and the used to tan, A LOT, when she was my age. Now, she has to face the consequences of her tanning with skin cancer and, after she endured EXTREME PAIN during her six months of chemeo-thearpy, she got told by her dermatologist that since my case was WAY WORSE than hers, I would be forbidden to go outside between nine a.m. and five p.m. in the summer because of the sun. And even if I had to go outside, sunscreen would be REQUIRED.

I'm really glad that I know this now, and that all these years of bullying by perfectly tanned children with their bronze skin and perfect glow, I can finally feel confident in my own skin. I mean, after all, in the summer, even if I don't have the perfect tan (or no tan at all, really), I have very cute freckles all over my body (arms, legs, and my very cute face) and I don't envy anyone about this anymore (I'm not saying that I don't envy anyone at all anymore, but that's another story).

(P.S. : YES, I am the witch in this area, BEWARE !)

Okay, that's it for now, I hope that you liked this post, and I will see you very soon with another one !

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !