Demi/Grey orientations explained

Demi/Grey orientations explained

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, today, I've seen a demi/grey-sexuality being invalidated on Tumblr, so I promised a little post explaining how being demi/grey is valid and what it actually means.

Unlike allosexual/alloromantic people, demi/grey people (that will be referred as such for both sexual and romantic orientations) do not experience attraction immediately.

As a pan demi-romantic asexual, I find it a little bit difficult to convey the thought of attraction, so I'll try my best to express myself in a clear way (so please tell me if what you're reading is unintelligible alright ? Okay.).

But here's the thing : in my opinion, when there's compatibility, or when a person sees another person meeting their requirements/standards, they can be attracted to them romantically/sexually. It doesn't means that allo people are "dirty sex havers" or "always trying to be in a relationship", because you know, human beings can respect other human beings and their boundaries, and consent is needed before a romantic/sexual relationship starts. It's the mutual consent between the parties that start the relationship, nothing else.

However, demi/grey people can't think this way. Let's take an example of a person A and a person B who are both allo. If they're compatible and find an ideal in each other, the attraction will probably blossom pretty easily, and the relationship can start. Sometimes, people are friends for years before discovering this attraction ; sometimes, the relationship starts sooner.

But if, let's say, B was demi/grey, A could be attracted to B, but B wouldn't be immediately attracted to A. For B, the "friendship" status is mandatory, when for allos, it isn't. B could find an ideal in A, think they are the best person in the universe, meeting all of their standards ; however, the attraction comes later, or comes rarely. That's what it means to be demi/grey.

I also noticed that demi/grey people, in comparison to allos, often have less crushes on other people. As a demi-romantic person, I've only had two romantic crushes in my entire life, only for people I was extremely close to, and was friends with months before the attraction happens.

Anyways, regardless of what I said, please don't erase demi/grey identities. They are a part of the ace/aro spectrums, they are valid, and it's not your place (especially if you're allo, but it's also to be said to ace/aro people who invalidate those identities) to judge these people.

Okay, that's it for the clarification ! I really hope you enjoyed this post and I will see you very soon with another one.

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !