Biphobia in the LGBTQ+ community : the discussion

Biphobia in the LGBTQ+ community : the discussion

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, very recently the discussion between lesbians and bisexual women has started again. Two years after the very regrettable and biphobic video made by Arielle Scarcella and her lesbian friends, and the response (made on her own channel) suggested by Ashley Mardell on the bisexual women's side as a reaction to this video, it seems that the discussion between lesbians and bisexual women would be impossible.

So, when I heard that Arielle Scarcella herself wanted to make amends even more, I was a little bit surprised. I don't know what I was expecting of this video but it wasn't what I expected. (And to be truly honest, even Ashley's video on her channel was a little bit bittersweet for my taste.)

As a pan girl, I wanted to add a little bit to the conversation that is happening between lesbians and bisexual girls (and you can already see my arguments defending the bi ladies right through your window ! look !).

No, but seriously though. Arielle tried to make excuses and everything but the lesbians she invited for the video were a little bit... well, dubious, in my opinion. Here are some things I've heard in this video that I don't specifically like and here's why.

"If you're dating a lesbian you'll only have to worry about other girls", said one of the lesbians. Well, are we talking about potential cheating, and how bi girls, having a "bigger dating pool", would, like, cheat more easily ? (P.S. : actually, because of biphobia, we have a reduced dating pool, and also, we tend to be more closeted towards our partners in fear of biphobia. Also, we aren't more likely to cheat than anyone else, thank you.)

"no image of the opposite sex" (maybe misheard this one so please tell me if I'm wrong) : wow. Cissexism AND non-binary phobia in the same sentence ? Clearly a perfect feature. My non-binary ass is clearly SOOOOO fucking pleased. No, really, tell me more about the "so-feared opposite sex" that is thinly veiled transphobia. I love it.

The lesbians who answered in this video are still jealous of "both genders", meaning more non-binary erasure, and also how the "cheater stigma" and jealousy and insecurities of the lesbians is still prevalent in their community.

"should the sexual acts be more vaginal opposed to clitoral because of their history of straight sex ?" : What is this transphobic, cissexist, and non-binary phobic question again please ? I don't know how a woman likes her sex is linked to her sexuality, really. Maybe it's because I'm an unexperimented virgin asexual who literally doesn't care. LMAO.

"i'm the only real bisexual, all the other girls are straight and experimenting with her" : this is the comment from one of the bisexual girls but where do you pull that data from ? just wondering...

Now let's dissect Ashley's video (that I watched after Arielle's one hahaha), to see the difference when the bisexual women are the ones talking about their struggles and their personal issues (read : biphobia).

Here are the important things I took from Ashley's video :

Bisexual women are still feeling the need to prove their biness by dating a girl (example of Savannah who never dated one "officially" but whose bisexual label is still valid)

Bisexual women are being denied wlw spaces when dating a man but accepted when dating a woman (see how they have to perform gayness all the time and how only the "sga" part of their orientation is taken seriously by lesbians, all the other genders they are attracted to being invalidated and being considered "straight", which is also another way of showing bi erasure, non-binary erasure, and cissexism in the cis LG community lmao)

Bisexual women are being considered "less than" by lesbians who consider themselves the "true gay folks"

Lesbians are enforcing gold-star politics onto bisexual women and forcing them into categories and rankings based on that

Thank you so much Amy for reminding us that the LGBTQ+ community is the only minority that cannibalises ourselves

Also thanks Gaby for the comment of the century about biphobia : "What are you gonna do ? make videos i guess.", LMAO I'm crying of laughter over here

In the end, I have a message for both lesbians and bisexual girls out there, here me out !!!

For the lesbians : hmmmm. Maybe try to learn and trust bisexual folks. Maybe respect them and their identity lmao. Maybe ditch the biphobic tropes, clichés and stereotypes. Maybe listen to us when we're talking about biphobia lol.

For the bisexual women : you don't have to prove anything at all. The only perfect and valid way to be bisexual is by identifying as bisexual. You are a beautiful and valid wlw and you deserve the world because you rock.

On the conversation needed between lesbians and bisexual women though, I don't really understand something about it so someone should tell me. Why is it up to the bisexual women to open up, talk about their dating history and their attractions, and so on ? Why does it seem impossible for us to date without having to explain everything to lesbians ? mmmmmh... I am just wondering.

Otherwise yes, the conversation is needed. And by that I mean talking about our labels, our differences, not as a rift or a conflicting way, but as a unifying way to celebrate our rich diversity in stories, labels and experiences. Outside of the dating circle that involves the fear of cheating and war-like conversations.

Alright, this is a long post already, I'll just stop it here and I will see you soon with... erm... something else. lol.

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !!!