Autism is a priviledge !?! (#sarcasm)

Autism is a priviledge !?! (#sarcasm)

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, if you've read my personal posts on Tumblr recently, I've come to the conclusion that I might be autistic (having Asperger's, to be precise).

In order to have a professional diagnosis that would guarantee me protections, I've taken a pre-diagnosis on the day before my birthday, and I recieved the report one month later. The report was pretty positive, that it was probable that I'm autistic, and that I now have to go back to Paris to meet a psychiatrist in order to recieve the official diagnosis.

The thing is, since the discovery of my potential autism, not only I dropped out of my business school to go to university to study languages, but also, I started working in an internship for some experience. And my mom, that I thought on my side, is really just on the side of my abusive step-dad.

Today, she told me that working part-time in an office, part-time at home was a "priviledge" that I shouldn't take for granted, and that even working in a field that I like (in this economy ??? Barbara this is too much priviledge !!! How come kids aren't working in fields they don't like at all, and for no money !!! Damn kids !!!) was a priviledge. (P.S. : I am not getting paid for this internship. This is the price of the "priviledge" I've been "granted". I could have gotten money for working full-time in the office but my mom knew I wouldn't make it.)

I was just expecting the word "lazy" to leave her mouth to describe me, and she did. She thinks I'm a lazy asshole who doesn't do any effort (something repeated by my abusive father multiple times), and that I don't deserve what I'm getting now. Even if my autism prevents me from working like allistic people, she things that my "handicap" shouldn't hinder my quality of living (even if it does).

Basically, she sent me a documentary about (obviously cis) women with Asperger's, who all managed to have a "normal" quality of life (by allistic standards, that is). The thing is, newsflash : just because someone "made it" doesn't mean that all autistic people can do it as well.

And then, she went going on about how, since neuro-typicals rule the world, I had to "act neuro-typical". According to her, I have to be the one adapting myself to allistic people, just like all autistic people. She whined about "how hard it is to put up with you", just like my step-dad. She told me that I had to bend over and respect their arbitrary rules, even if I didn't want to. She told me that "she's only doing it for my own good" (even if she knows about my depression & anxiety & insomnia but she doesn't care, like, at all).

The worst part ? "I won't be here forever.", "What will you do without me ?", "I'm scared you won't make it without me". Like, can't you make it even more about yourself ? Like, are you the one who has autism and who suffers everyday to "act allistic" ??? "Oh, but I can do things I don't like too so you should be able to do it as well !!!". You're ALLISTIC, you don't know what it is to be autistic !!!

(Oh, and let's talk about her racism also ??? Like, "I would feel just like you if I were in "Black Africa" and had to learn rituals and "dances" to have food lolol" ??? NO ??? It's super easy for allistic people to reproduce manners and adapt themselves to a new environment. But it's not for autistic people !!! Like they HATE changes and the unprevisible !!! lolol !!!)

Anyways. I guess neuro-typicals never change. When I was eleven, I was diagnosed with dyspraxia, and I was met with sentences like "You have to adapt yourself", "You have to learn a way to act around your "handicap" and behave like us", and such... and now I wish I never told my mom about autism. Like everything else. Like all my problems. I wish I could still lie and pretend to be someone I'm not so she doesn't worry about me. I wish she didn't say "You have to co-exist with us" when she meant "You have to behave the way we want to or we'll kick you out and you'll be isolated forever". I wish I were allistic, neuro-typical, extroverted, and "the perfect, brilliant daughter" my mom wanted me to be. I wish I were "normal".

But I'm not.

Alright, I'll stop it there. I hope this post isn't too gloomy and I will see you very soon with a new one, I hope.

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !!!