Why I'm Pro Self-Diagnosis

Why I'm Pro Self-Diagnosis

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, I really wanted to make a post about self-diagnosis and my stance on people who self-diagnose themselves with one or multiple mental illnesses, personality disorders, or autism.

Personally, I have officially diagnosed autism and dyspraxia, and self-diagnosed mental illnesses and personality disorders (depression anxiety, BPD and OCD). And to be very honest, I am not interested in having my mental illnesses/persoality disorders officially diagnosed (at least for now).

Now, here's why this story explains the reason for my defense of self-diagnoses :

1) Official diagnoses are very usually hard to get, they are expensive and not accessible everywhere. It's very long, and it's very ableist and classist to believe that "anyone can get an official diagnosis" when really, the poorest, most vulnerable people can't access official diagnoses.

2) My personal experiences with my official diagnoses are so bad that I don't want my mental illnesses to be disclosed to the public, no matter how they affect my entire life and how I manage my daily routines.

When I was diagnosed with dyspraxia at the age of 11, I was already made fun of by my step-dad, infantilisd by my mom, and otherised by everyone else. I had decided to not tell anyone about my dyspraxia because I thought it was "irrelevant". And I suffered during my studies because of that, because I could hardly take notes and finish my exams. I was even considered "too clever" for accomodations in high-school.

And when I was diagnosed with autism this year, at the age of 20, I recieved so much ableism from my entire family. I was the butt of the joke by my step-dad and I had to flee the house behind his back when he was away with my little brother camping... and even my mother, no matter how good her intentions are, still thought that 1) autism affected her as much as it affected me, and acted like one of these "autism moms" who are like "woe of me I am so hurt" and 2) basically denied my testimonies to talk about autism...

Having an official diagnosis literally puts you in danger in front of neuro-typical people. Being out as neuro-divergent can cause you to have ties with your family and friends cut off, and you realise how even people you previously thought would be on your side no matter what revealed their ableism and how they basically treat you differently because of your official diagnosis.

My step-dad, who was already abusive as fuck, was even more abusive when he learnt about my dyspraxia, and then autism. My mom keeps telling me she's relieved when she learnt about my dyspraxia, and then autism, but kept talking over me most of the time. I have been compared to Hitler and my abusive step-dad, and almost physically beaten up and thrown in multiple panic attacks where I cried by my uncle and aunt.

3) The idea that you need an official diagnosis to get accomodations you deserve, knowing the previous points, and how official diagnoses also can put you through forced medicalisation, institutionalisation and unwanted therapy,

When I was diagnosed with dyspraxia, I had to meet neurologists and go through physical therapy where they treated me like a 5-year-old with very ridiculous exercices, up to the point where I had to ask my mom, crying in the car, that I don't want to do this anymore. I had been there for a year before it stopped.

Now that I have also been diagnosed with autism, I have already met one psychologist (for the pre-tests), and two psychiatrists (one for the official diagnosis, one afterwards). The fact that as soon as my mom opened her mouth, the doctors would basically ignore me and just talk about me with her without consulting me... was insulting. It's not like I can be non-verbal sometimes, or I can't answer the question, and all of a sudden I am invisible and people talk over me constantly.

The second psychiatrist was the worst. Asking me personal details about my life, my special interests, I didn't want to tell him. My mom and uncle then talked over me and told him about them, how I love "childish things" and they proceeded to make fun of them in front of me. They made my mom cry by asking questions that mad her feel guilty, that made me cry, and then my uncle proceeded to brush off my concerns and internalised guilt.

TL;DR : Basically, when you're against self-diagnosis, you are an ableist piece of shit. You are pressuring people who can't or don't want to go through the process of official diagnoses, you're basically telling them that our validity as neuro-divergent people are only valid if they fit in very narrow boxes created by neuro-typical people, that you don't care about the negative experiences neuro-divergent people talk about constantly, and how being officially diagnosed otherises, ridiculises and puts you in danger just for wanting accomodations.

To my fellow neuro-divergent people : Of course not all official diagnoses stories are bad and I don't want to scare you if you want an official diagnosis. If you really want it, you should definitely get one, especially if you want one. You shouldn't be afraid of asking for an official diagnosis or be pressured to be quiet about it and not talk about it. After all, this is for you, so you should be proud of your neuro-divergence. I love you, you are beautiful. Stay safe.

Okay, that's it for now. I hope you enjoyed this post and I will see you very soon with a new one.

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !