Understanding Love When You're Ace/Aro (8/14)

Understanding Love When You're Ace/Aro

Hi everybody, Mary here.

So, here's the eighth post in the Fourteen Days Before The Fourteenth Challenge ! As a pan demi-romantic asexual, I wanted to put up a little cute post about ace/aro love when you don't necessarily understand it.

First of all, it's okay to understand that not all love is romantic or sexual. There are other forms of love (platonic, alterous, and such) that are equally important as romantic or sexual love. People will tend to trap you in a cage of sexual love > romantic love > platonic love when it's obviously not true. Amato-normativity and the hyper-sexualisation of society over all ages has made the world this way, but it's important to remember that it's not always been this way.

First of all, if you look at Ancient Greece and Plato's era, you might just remember that the term « platonic love » has been coined by... well, Plato himself. He said that the connection between two souls, two best friends, who stay with each other no matter what, is actually as important, if not more, that sexual/romantic love, and he appreciated all of his philosopher friends (although it's notable to see that some of them were also gay and infatuated with the man).

You might see that trying to cut off sex/romance out of your life because you don't feel the attraction seems a little bit... weird to a lot of people around you. Don't worry about it, they probably are just a little bit ignorant, and just like all ignorant people on this planet, a little bit of education usually does the trick.

But when you are facing actual people who keep constantly telling you that « you can't stay single forever, come on », or « you'll end up marrying the dog at this rate, that's the only person you actually love », or « oh my god sex is the best feeling in the whole world, and you just don't understand it because you've never tried it, and you just should stay quiet because you're just plain ignorant », it's not that simple to just tell them to stay quiet while you explain them what's the real deal about love.

Because they're just too dumb to listen anyways. (By the way, all the sentences mentioned above, included the dog one, are all coming from my lovely step-dad, who actually told them in real life. Urgh I just wish he understood sometimes. *also I love my dog very very very extremely much please don't hate me okay love you bye*)

In the end, wanting love, even just friends, platonic love and affection, makes all of us humans. It's completely okay if you want love but in a non-romantic, non-sexual way. I wish I could just come up to someone and tell them that I love them, but in a platonic way, you know ? Just in a I care about you way. But I'm pretty damn sure they'll think it's sexual or romantic, and they'll think I want to be in a relationship with them and bang them, and then either dump me or pressure me into romantic/sexual things when I'm not ready at all for a romantic relationship.

(And let's not even talk about sex. I'm prude af, I don't even want to be seen naked, even less touched in my private parts, so before I have sex, the world needs to end and all humans must have been destroyed. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating, but I'm really sex-repulsed and absolutely frightened by sex/sexual activities.)

And it's normal to be scared of either telling someone you love them, but in a platonic way, or wanting platonic love, because it's seen as inferior by society, and that no one will understand you anyways. And it's normal to have, just like me, this fear of spending your whole life all alone and dying alone as well.

In general, it's perfectly okay to ask for platonic love. Because it's as important and as intense as sexual/romantic love, and people need to understand that.

We are all humans in the end, and we all deserve much love.

Okay, that's it for today ! I really hope you enjoyed this post and I'll see you tomorrow for the next post in the series !

And as usual, our last word : KIDNEYS !!!